The Great Indian सब-CD

 To start with , if u get a newspaper today u will come across shit load of terms u don’t understand and caricatures which should have been better. I am not an Economist and I am not going to crib like one. So the object of this blog is to look at Budget from my  lenses. But before getting to more serious discussion let us start with good humor. What is common between Sonakshi Sinha, 2BHK and this years budget ? Ans:- All are flat. Yeah I know, the health of humor in this joke equals the significance of this years budget.

Lets get started by defining a problem . What on Mothers( sorry  no bad words) earth is Budget anyway?

Well it means something in dictionary , but in India it means

" The budget is a democratic process of money transfer  from those who work to those who vote"

The Attitude

I will get to the budgets , but before I go there somebody please explain me what on earth is women's bank. I really don’t understand such a radical concept . What does it mean in first place? Are the banks so scarce that there is need for such a thing. What is the problem with normal banks? Do they discriminate women? Are they unsafe for women ?Apart form women employment I don’t see any point. What is that supposed to encourage Entrepreneurship, Loans at lesser rates, Empowerment …WHAT?? But on a more deadly note standing on front of Women's Bank will be closet I will  ever get to be near heaven". Anyways what will they call this bank? I came up with some names I also wanted to pin down She T bank , but people out there will say it like shitty bank so I had to cancel that name.

1)HDF "SHE " Bank

2)Kotak Mahila Bank

3)State Bank of Mrs.India

4)पंजाबन नेशनल बैंक

The most classy way to criticize any budget is to say ," Rich will be rich and poor will be poor" , but this time around with " This budget is anti-poor and anti-people." To start with ask me what corporate people do during there weekends. Hangout should be the most popular answer. This budget has ensured that u never get out of ur house. There would be service tax at every AC restaurant.  That leaves us going to Terrace Garden Restaurants and Evening buffet. Facebook , Twitter , Youtube and Pinterest will be the only places for a free hangout.If the goverenment wants to tax me for eating in AC restaurant , I will go to a non AC restaurant and take my own fan instead !!! Screw Them !!And on one day when I  will be really really rich I will take the restaurant to my AC home.

The Player

Our honorable FM has said that " There is a bit of Azim Premji in every tax payer" ,Oh yeah?? Never knew Azim Premji was such a player !!

Moving on ,Nirbhaya Relief fund !! Rs 1000 crore were invested to ensure safety and security for women. This is good in a way that Govt.cares for women in this country. But of all the bodies Govt. is supposed to proactive and not reactive. Funding for women who got molested just doesn’t click. But of all the points this for me was positive aspect of this years budget. Something is better than nothing.

Story of Me and Thokkia

The next highlight was increasing rate of mobiles. I use Nokia N72 like since forever and I had silently promised myself to buy a mobile on my birthday. My mobile has undergone 2 body transplants , a couple of formatting , 2 headsets and 6 chargers in 1993 days of its tenure with me. People don’t call it Nokia anymore. Here is the catch phrase "Thokkia". But Congress has ensured that I am struck with this Thokkia mobile, forever and ever. In rail budget they give free Wi-Fi & in aam budget they increase the price of mobile ! Well played Congress!!  You compensated the price of the Wi-Fi usage. One more thing owing to this policy. They make set-top boxes mandatory and now increase the rate of that accessory. I guess Congressmen are making sure they yield enough money before going out of power  BIG TIME in 2014 !

But I can say one thing very conclusively , I am a poor person. Ask me how and I will give you 3 good reasons.

1)I Don’t have a SUV

2)I don’t have a smart phone.( friend of me says " Smart phones are for dumb people)

3)I don’t smoke

हे सगले श्रीमंतांचे चोचले !!

No AC restaurants,  No Foreign brands , No MaC-D . This is my month end status , now the entire month has got the same story. The object of this budget was to make Super rich to rich , rich to upper middle class , upper middle class to lower middle class, lower middle class to poor, and to poor BPL. (I really expect u have seen ZNMD)