Realm Wants To Know

Whoever you are, you're a Nobody if you are not interviewed by phenomenally kickass journalist Arnab Goswami.   Having said that , the dude has become a stereotypical prototype of recent journalism. Arnab also is responsible for producing wannabies  like Nikhil Gestural Wagle(an imposter who lacks the class and composure of Arnab). No matter however tough the questions are Arnab asks it with all the seriousness in the world there is, and there ever will be, unlike Nikhil who gets an orgasm every time he is asking a question.   Anyways .. The idea that triggered this blog is "What IF??"

What if Arnab were to interview some of the intriguing characters from a popular sitcom Game Of Thrones.

So without much ado lets dig the characters.

"Hello and Welcome to News Hour. This is Arnab and today we will be discussing the Topic entire of Westeros is asking."

*looking straight into Camera*

"Ladies and Gentlemen , today we have come to discuss the anarchies and animosities between the Major houses of Westeros. More importantly we are going to talk to Players who , not only think but, stubbornly believe they should be throned.  At the hour where anarchy is at its zenith and humility at its nadir , the times we live in have become mostly (smiles) uncertain. There are Starks , there are Greyjoys , there are Baratheons and then there are Lannisters  who sqeeze the last drop of blood of whoever crosses there way which may be seen as pure evil and with sinister motives. Why on earth is it so ?? That’s the question we are going to find the answers. "

Today we have with us Lord Tywin Lannister, Joffrey Baratheon , The bastard (No Apologies Given dude) Jon Snow ,Ser. Jammie Lannister, Stannis Baratheon , Lord Peter Bailesh , Lord Varys , Taragarian Babes , Theon Greyjoy and last but not the least Hodor.

 

Arnab: Let me start with you Sir Tywin Lannister. As a commander in chief , entire westeros is complaining that You Sir have been totally unfair with Robb Stark. I want you to justify your deeds of brutally butchering The King in the North. Don’t you think his unborn Son was unjustifiably slaughtered??

Lord Tywin: Everything is fair in Love , War and Will to Keep the Power. On any given day if I were to choose between killing 10k men over 10 men , I would go for the later. Its simple Maths Arnab. Offcourse killing his unborn son was not part of plan, but this is War we are talking about and in here nothing goes according to plan. 

Arnab: But with regards to your actions, inactions if I may, it always seemed there was a sense of cold bloodedness in killing Starks.

Tywin : I am glad to learn it seemed that ways.

Arnab: You tell me Tyrion , do u support this henous act ??

Tyrion : Well if I am not condemning it does that mean I am supporting it??

Arnab : ARE YOU ASKING ME A QUESTION ??

*Jammie whispers to Tyrion  " careful bro , be very very careful"*

Tyrion: Just a smidge.

*Jammie whispering "Holy Cow, That was Smooth"*

Arnab: Well off with the Smidge. I asked you a straight question , which with respect I throw back at u DO YOU SUPPORT KILLING OF STARKS IN A WAY YOUR FATHER DID?

Tyrion: Well to be honest with you , I think even when it was unconvincing it was necessary. After all the first 'R' in the Ruler stands for "Ruthless". Plus it is only mandatory to do whatever you can to acquire and then stay in power.

Arnab: Ser Jammie it is good to have you on our show , hope u have recovered well after the infamous incident.

Jammie: *Smiles*

Arnab: You were taken a hostage by late Robb Stark. If he wanted he would have killed you anytime he pleased . But as a leverage for his sisters you were exonerated. Now that you are back in Kings Landing , don’t you sense the unfairness of not reciprocating the leverage against which you were sent back ??

Jammie : For one I never knew the happenings in Kings Landing when I was a hostage. All I knew was Sansa was supposed to be married to Joffrey , I come in Kings Landing only to find out my baby brother has taken vows with her. For two, it is his responsibility now to decide whatever it is to be done with his beloved wife.

*Pats Tyrions Back*

Arnab: So Tyrion would she play a leverage for your Elder brother.

*Tyrion is about to speak*

Lord Tywin: Sorry to interrupt you Arnab, but we will see that Starks deed is very well reciprocated. Afterall word around the Westeros is "Lannisters always pays their debts". This wont be a exception either.

*Tyrion, as always, is disgusted because his father always steals his thunder*

*Petyr and Varys share a giggle*

*Joffery's joy knows no bounds *

*Hodor hodors in an anguish*

Arnab: With that said , I am gonna take a short break. Things are getting more interesting. Stay tuned because the real tough questions are yet untouched. Be rite back..

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Moral of this add has to be :  A washing powder can turn your girl into a philanthropist Catwomen which may even give Selena Kyle (Anne Hathway Yo !!) run for her all-tanned-Leather-covered -enormously hotshot  body . Huh !!  

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Moral : When you let strangers invade your habitat and let Bhabi next door enter  your house and make a coffee , only then you can switch on your mornings. For everything else , there is tea.

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Arnab:  Welcome back ladies. I would like to ..

Some on Microphone: SAAR .. Gentlemen.. Saar !!

Arnab : Lets Retake..

Same Guy on Microphone: Wokay Saar !! 

Arnab : Welcome back Ladies and Gentlemen. We are having a discussion with the Players who currently are playing Game of Thrones. I have with me The Commander of Nights Watch Jon Snow aka The Bastard. Tell me Jon , Westeros wants to know , if you were vowed not to have any sorta physical relations don’t you think you have wronged The Knights Watch!!

Jon Snow : If there in one thing I have learned throughout my  life is survival of the fittest. What I did back there is something am not proud of , but also I am not ashamed of anything. The motto here was, is and always will be to keep the wildlings away from the realm. So far not so good.

Hodor : *Thumbs Up* Hodor Hodor Hodor !!

Arnab: If wildings are to be kept away , how come you indulged in one of them??

Jon : Because somewhere down the line I feel Yigrite is different. I believe she, like all others is mislead by Mance Ryder. 

*Yigritte yells from Studio Audience : YOU KNOW NOTHING JON SNOW*

Arnab: *On Microfone*Edit that !!

Guy on Microfone: Yesss Saar !!  

Arnab : Moving On. We are pleased to have with us what they call A Self and An Alter Ego. Before getting to question I would like to state that people all across the Westeros love all your conversations. Having said that does your Duo like conversations a  lot ??

Varys: Yes .. We like to talk on various topics.

Petyr: Absolutely Not !! He likes to talk , and I like to reply.

Arnab : *Smiles*    See ?? This is what I said about the alter ego. The audience loves the tussle between two of y'all. Its witty and a delicious treat for the Sapoisexuals.

Varys: If the realm is happy , I am Santa.   

Petyr : *Looks at Varys in scornful yet modest manner*I believe you are.

Arnab: Joffrey , The One True King of Westeros , is with us. So Joffrey tell me .. Killed a few puppies today ??

*Tyrion rolls on floor laughing out loud*

*Joffery turns Crimson RED in disgust*

Joffrey : YOU ARE TALKING TO THE KHINGGGGGGGG. I CAN HAVE YOU PUNISHED FOR ASKING THAT !!

Arnab : As your granddad says " For anyone who says I am the king is no true king ."

*Joffrey leaves the Studio in what appears to be a baby anger*

Arnab : Looks like we have our first surrender.   In conversation with protagonists of Game Of Thrones , we are taking a short break. Stay tuned will be rite back.

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****************************************************************

Arnab: Welcome back ladies.. On a Teleconference we have with us a lot of designations apparently. Khalessi , Mother Of Dragons, The Blood Of Valaria, Queen Of Andals, The liberator of slaves and Claimer of Throne Denerys Stromborn Targarian.

Guy on the microphone: Saar No Gentleman Saar ??

Arnab: *Gestures* KEEP    ROLLING !!  

Arnab: So Khalessi A) you bro-zoned Jorah Mormont and it very much seems like you are infatuated to Dario Naharis. B) Its been three seasons and you are still all the way across narrow sea. Being so far from happening place don’t you think you're exaggerating your claim on Iron Throne.

Khalessi , Mother Of Dragons, The Blood Of Valaria, Queen Of Andals, The liberator of slaves and Claimer of Throne Denerys Stromborn Targarian : A) Jorah has been with me like since the beginning. I am queen he is the commander. And for all its better that things stay likewise. Dario has got some astute war techniques as well. So both are like wheels to a chariot that is my army. Its strictly professional and I am not trying to be politically correct. After all I am Khalessi , Mother Of Dragons, The Blood Of Valaria, Queen Of Andals, The liberator of slaves , Denerys Stromborn Targarian.

B) The rulers exiled us from what was ours. Me and My Idiotic brother were outcast for years fighting to get back what was belonged to us. It is high time that the faith of me and my people is restored. This season we get what is ours.

Arnab : Thanks for joining us Khalessi. We.. Errr.. I wish you and your dragons all the very best to claim what you think is yours.

*Manually disconnects the cord*

Arnab: Theon Greyjoy . Just for records I am not calling you Reek eeh. So tell me why did u betray Starks ??

Theon : Well Starks sought the betrayal first by taking me a hostage. Then ensuring I will always be with Robb as his subordinate or something. I am a Greyjoy , and we take what's ours. Apparently entire realm. 

Arnab: Realm will see but what about you. Ramsay has tortured you not only physically but mentally and face it you are his subordinate as of now. Ramsay is a Bolton, Boltons are with Lannisters so my question to you is who are you fighting for ?? I want you to answer this with all the seriousness Theon !!

Theon: Myself !!     

Hodor: *Disgusted* Hodor Hodor Hodor !!

Theon : Sorry Dude no hard feelings .

Hodor : *Angry* HODOR HODOR HODOR !!  

Theon : Hodor calm the fuck down amigo. I said I apologize. 

Arnab: I demand you Theon not to exercise Non-Constitutional abuses on my show.

Theon: Sorry Dude.

Arnab: You better be !!   

Arnab: Sir Stannis Baratheon there is never ending speculation that you are always serious , it took the viewers an entire of 3 seasons to see a Grin on your face... why is it so ??

Stannis : That’s who I am , perhaps , That’s how I am.

Arnab:  Always??

Stannis : Yes.

Arnab : *Smiles*You Sir are an hard nut to crack. But I promise to elicit a reply from you. 

Stannis: Well, be my guest.

Arnab : *Smile Widens*  Always so witty. Word around the camp fire is your commands are not actually your commands but of whisperer. This is War, a lot of soldiers life depend on your command don’t you  feel a sense of irresponsibility risking life of your men over burning leeches , specifically Black Magic Tricks ??

Stannis: Do you know words of my house ??

Arnab : "Ours is the Fury"

Stannis : Exactly !! Fury , Arnab, knows no bounds. It requires a bloodshed to conquer and maintain the empire. Fury is what  drives that deed. Why soldiers , The Kings like me are basic soldiers in battle. I, like every other soldier, fought valiantly in the Battle Of Black Water.  Davos was sacrificed even before we reached the bay.The Ram had toughed the Gate. Unfortunately , we were never aware of 11th hour alliance of Lannisters and Tullies. When it felt like we are having the upper edge and that we would sack the King's Landing things started to fall apart. I was close to Victory ,This Close, *Pinches* but it all resembled a falling stack of cards.

Arnab : How did burning leeches help the cause ??

Stannis : I am not a king stagnant in his strategies. Approaching the problem with all the ways is what I know best. One way or other I will be the one sitting on the Throne , Soon enough.

Arnab : Frankly speaking , this is superstitious. When you burned those three leeches after what u called Usurper Balon Greyjoy , Usurper  Robb Stark, Usurper Joffrey Baratheon do u credit yourself for the slaughter?? Because Lannisters have been open in accepting that it was there strategy set in motion by Boltons and Freys .

Stannis : Think of it this way .Robb knew his allies were falling apart. Nobody told  Robb to marry a war nurse and upset his

Alliance. What's more some ineffable power made him stupid enough to believe that an already unsettled alliance with Frey's would bring Glory to him. If that was not Fire God , there is not other thing which should be credited for that.

Arnab : Did Lady Mellisandre tell u this ??

Stannis : Fire God did.   

Arnab: *Adjusts his hair settles back in seat  looks at camera* We have reached the climax of the show, when Westeros needs an answer, we will go to any lengths to get it. As the viewers will agree, in the end, it will be a victory for truth and lets just hope superstition is nowhere to go by.

Hodor : Hodor Hodor Hodor *Applauds*

Arnab : That was all for today. Hope you got what you asked for. Thanks for watching. Good night Ladies !!

Microphone Guy: SAAAAAAAR ???

Arnab: *Pack Up*