Realm Wants To Know

Whoever you are, you're a Nobody if you are not interviewed by phenomenally kickass journalist Arnab Goswami.   Having said that , the dude has become a stereotypical prototype of recent journalism. Arnab also is responsible for producing wannabies  like Nikhil Gestural Wagle(an imposter who lacks the class and composure of Arnab). No matter however tough the questions are Arnab asks it with all the seriousness in the world there is, and there ever will be, unlike Nikhil who gets an orgasm every time he is asking a question.   Anyways .. The idea that triggered this blog is "What IF??"

What if Arnab were to interview some of the intriguing characters from a popular sitcom Game Of Thrones.

So without much ado lets dig the characters.

"Hello and Welcome to News Hour. This is Arnab and today we will be discussing the Topic entire of Westeros is asking."

*looking straight into Camera*

"Ladies and Gentlemen , today we have come to discuss the anarchies and animosities between the Major houses of Westeros. More importantly we are going to talk to Players who , not only think but, stubbornly believe they should be throned.  At the hour where anarchy is at its zenith and humility at its nadir , the times we live in have become mostly (smiles) uncertain. There are Starks , there are Greyjoys , there are Baratheons and then there are Lannisters  who sqeeze the last drop of blood of whoever crosses there way which may be seen as pure evil and with sinister motives. Why on earth is it so ?? That’s the question we are going to find the answers. "

Today we have with us Lord Tywin Lannister, Joffrey Baratheon , The bastard (No Apologies Given dude) Jon Snow ,Ser. Jammie Lannister, Stannis Baratheon , Lord Peter Bailesh , Lord Varys , Taragarian Babes , Theon Greyjoy and last but not the least Hodor.

 

Arnab: Let me start with you Sir Tywin Lannister. As a commander in chief , entire westeros is complaining that You Sir have been totally unfair with Robb Stark. I want you to justify your deeds of brutally butchering The King in the North. Don’t you think his unborn Son was unjustifiably slaughtered??

Lord Tywin: Everything is fair in Love , War and Will to Keep the Power. On any given day if I were to choose between killing 10k men over 10 men , I would go for the later. Its simple Maths Arnab. Offcourse killing his unborn son was not part of plan, but this is War we are talking about and in here nothing goes according to plan. 

Arnab: But with regards to your actions, inactions if I may, it always seemed there was a sense of cold bloodedness in killing Starks.

Tywin : I am glad to learn it seemed that ways.

Arnab: You tell me Tyrion , do u support this henous act ??

Tyrion : Well if I am not condemning it does that mean I am supporting it??

Arnab : ARE YOU ASKING ME A QUESTION ??

*Jammie whispers to Tyrion  " careful bro , be very very careful"*

Tyrion: Just a smidge.

*Jammie whispering "Holy Cow, That was Smooth"*

Arnab: Well off with the Smidge. I asked you a straight question , which with respect I throw back at u DO YOU SUPPORT KILLING OF STARKS IN A WAY YOUR FATHER DID?

Tyrion: Well to be honest with you , I think even when it was unconvincing it was necessary. After all the first 'R' in the Ruler stands for "Ruthless". Plus it is only mandatory to do whatever you can to acquire and then stay in power.

Arnab: Ser Jammie it is good to have you on our show , hope u have recovered well after the infamous incident.

Jammie: *Smiles*

Arnab: You were taken a hostage by late Robb Stark. If he wanted he would have killed you anytime he pleased . But as a leverage for his sisters you were exonerated. Now that you are back in Kings Landing , don’t you sense the unfairness of not reciprocating the leverage against which you were sent back ??

Jammie : For one I never knew the happenings in Kings Landing when I was a hostage. All I knew was Sansa was supposed to be married to Joffrey , I come in Kings Landing only to find out my baby brother has taken vows with her. For two, it is his responsibility now to decide whatever it is to be done with his beloved wife.

*Pats Tyrions Back*

Arnab: So Tyrion would she play a leverage for your Elder brother.

*Tyrion is about to speak*

Lord Tywin: Sorry to interrupt you Arnab, but we will see that Starks deed is very well reciprocated. Afterall word around the Westeros is "Lannisters always pays their debts". This wont be a exception either.

*Tyrion, as always, is disgusted because his father always steals his thunder*

*Petyr and Varys share a giggle*

*Joffery's joy knows no bounds *

*Hodor hodors in an anguish*

Arnab: With that said , I am gonna take a short break. Things are getting more interesting. Stay tuned because the real tough questions are yet untouched. Be rite back..

**********************************************************

Commercial 1: *A car is requires to be towed.  One of its rear wheel is in a muddy pit . People surround the car and watch this site which is somehow better than a sight of dead rabbit. Out of nowhere 4 women decide to go against the tide. They go in mud and give the car a helping hand. They are named Hema, Rakha , Jaya and Sushma. It is only in the end that the viewers come to know Nirma gave them this un-fluctuating confidence.

Moral of this add has to be :  A washing powder can turn your girl into a philanthropist Catwomen which may even give Selena Kyle (Anne Hathway Yo !!) run for her all-tanned-Leather-covered -enormously hotshot  body . Huh !!  

Commercial 2 : * The girl next door rings a bell. Dude opens the door. She is making her way to kitchen. No sooner dude is about to indulge in the charismatic beauty that she is the bell rings again. Yess The Dude is not even pissed for letting 3 strangers in house, who invade unpleasing. The chick is making coffee while the strangers hunt the charging points and plug in there respective devices. That’s not even a Methaphor. The chick and the dude have a sip and music begins * Ho Shuru har din Aise , Ho shuru har Pal Aise , Nescafe*. The chick seems busy , she has to leave. The dude indulges in admiring her beauty  again with a mug in his hand which somehow looks better than a monkey holding banana. She Leaves. Dude seems to be hit by a 3sec nostalgia (You better know what that is) and a stranger , who happens to be singer gestures him to have a next sip. He sings * Pa pa Rapa Pa Ra Ra , Pa Pa Rapa Pa Ra Ra* The add ends with " Switch on your mornings"

Moral : When you let strangers invade your habitat and let Bhabi next door enter  your house and make a coffee , only then you can switch on your mornings. For everything else , there is tea.

**************************************************************

Arnab:  Welcome back ladies. I would like to ..

Some on Microphone: SAAR .. Gentlemen.. Saar !!

Arnab : Lets Retake..

Same Guy on Microphone: Wokay Saar !! 

Arnab : Welcome back Ladies and Gentlemen. We are having a discussion with the Players who currently are playing Game of Thrones. I have with me The Commander of Nights Watch Jon Snow aka The Bastard. Tell me Jon , Westeros wants to know , if you were vowed not to have any sorta physical relations don’t you think you have wronged The Knights Watch!!

Jon Snow : If there in one thing I have learned throughout my  life is survival of the fittest. What I did back there is something am not proud of , but also I am not ashamed of anything. The motto here was, is and always will be to keep the wildlings away from the realm. So far not so good.

Hodor : *Thumbs Up* Hodor Hodor Hodor !!

Arnab: If wildings are to be kept away , how come you indulged in one of them??

Jon : Because somewhere down the line I feel Yigrite is different. I believe she, like all others is mislead by Mance Ryder. 

*Yigritte yells from Studio Audience : YOU KNOW NOTHING JON SNOW*

Arnab: *On Microfone*Edit that !!

Guy on Microfone: Yesss Saar !!  

Arnab : Moving On. We are pleased to have with us what they call A Self and An Alter Ego. Before getting to question I would like to state that people all across the Westeros love all your conversations. Having said that does your Duo like conversations a  lot ??

Varys: Yes .. We like to talk on various topics.

Petyr: Absolutely Not !! He likes to talk , and I like to reply.

Arnab : *Smiles*    See ?? This is what I said about the alter ego. The audience loves the tussle between two of y'all. Its witty and a delicious treat for the Sapoisexuals.

Varys: If the realm is happy , I am Santa.   

Petyr : *Looks at Varys in scornful yet modest manner*I believe you are.

Arnab: Joffrey , The One True King of Westeros , is with us. So Joffrey tell me .. Killed a few puppies today ??

*Tyrion rolls on floor laughing out loud*

*Joffery turns Crimson RED in disgust*

Joffrey : YOU ARE TALKING TO THE KHINGGGGGGGG. I CAN HAVE YOU PUNISHED FOR ASKING THAT !!

Arnab : As your granddad says " For anyone who says I am the king is no true king ."

*Joffrey leaves the Studio in what appears to be a baby anger*

Arnab : Looks like we have our first surrender.   In conversation with protagonists of Game Of Thrones , we are taking a short break. Stay tuned will be rite back.

****************************************************************

Commercial 3: Diamond Biscuit Diamond Biscuit,

Jab Bhi mood ho Kaa lo,

Diamond Biscuit Diamond Biscuit,

Healthy Swad ko Paa Lo,

Mummy Papa jab bhi laate,

Saare bacche khush jo jaate

*Toing* *Toing*

Diamond Biscuit Diamond Biscuit,

Jab Bhi Mood ho Khaaa Looooooooo

*Aab Naye Coconut Flavour Mein Bhi*

Diamond Biscuit !!

****************************************************************

Arnab: Welcome back ladies.. On a Teleconference we have with us a lot of designations apparently. Khalessi , Mother Of Dragons, The Blood Of Valaria, Queen Of Andals, The liberator of slaves and Claimer of Throne Denerys Stromborn Targarian.

Guy on the microphone: Saar No Gentleman Saar ??

Arnab: *Gestures* KEEP    ROLLING !!  

Arnab: So Khalessi A) you bro-zoned Jorah Mormont and it very much seems like you are infatuated to Dario Naharis. B) Its been three seasons and you are still all the way across narrow sea. Being so far from happening place don’t you think you're exaggerating your claim on Iron Throne.

Khalessi , Mother Of Dragons, The Blood Of Valaria, Queen Of Andals, The liberator of slaves and Claimer of Throne Denerys Stromborn Targarian : A) Jorah has been with me like since the beginning. I am queen he is the commander. And for all its better that things stay likewise. Dario has got some astute war techniques as well. So both are like wheels to a chariot that is my army. Its strictly professional and I am not trying to be politically correct. After all I am Khalessi , Mother Of Dragons, The Blood Of Valaria, Queen Of Andals, The liberator of slaves , Denerys Stromborn Targarian.

B) The rulers exiled us from what was ours. Me and My Idiotic brother were outcast for years fighting to get back what was belonged to us. It is high time that the faith of me and my people is restored. This season we get what is ours.

Arnab : Thanks for joining us Khalessi. We.. Errr.. I wish you and your dragons all the very best to claim what you think is yours.

*Manually disconnects the cord*

Arnab: Theon Greyjoy . Just for records I am not calling you Reek eeh. So tell me why did u betray Starks ??

Theon : Well Starks sought the betrayal first by taking me a hostage. Then ensuring I will always be with Robb as his subordinate or something. I am a Greyjoy , and we take what's ours. Apparently entire realm. 

Arnab: Realm will see but what about you. Ramsay has tortured you not only physically but mentally and face it you are his subordinate as of now. Ramsay is a Bolton, Boltons are with Lannisters so my question to you is who are you fighting for ?? I want you to answer this with all the seriousness Theon !!

Theon: Myself !!     

Hodor: *Disgusted* Hodor Hodor Hodor !!

Theon : Sorry Dude no hard feelings .

Hodor : *Angry* HODOR HODOR HODOR !!  

Theon : Hodor calm the fuck down amigo. I said I apologize. 

Arnab: I demand you Theon not to exercise Non-Constitutional abuses on my show.

Theon: Sorry Dude.

Arnab: You better be !!   

Arnab: Sir Stannis Baratheon there is never ending speculation that you are always serious , it took the viewers an entire of 3 seasons to see a Grin on your face... why is it so ??

Stannis : That’s who I am , perhaps , That’s how I am.

Arnab:  Always??

Stannis : Yes.

Arnab : *Smiles*You Sir are an hard nut to crack. But I promise to elicit a reply from you. 

Stannis: Well, be my guest.

Arnab : *Smile Widens*  Always so witty. Word around the camp fire is your commands are not actually your commands but of whisperer. This is War, a lot of soldiers life depend on your command don’t you  feel a sense of irresponsibility risking life of your men over burning leeches , specifically Black Magic Tricks ??

Stannis: Do you know words of my house ??

Arnab : "Ours is the Fury"

Stannis : Exactly !! Fury , Arnab, knows no bounds. It requires a bloodshed to conquer and maintain the empire. Fury is what  drives that deed. Why soldiers , The Kings like me are basic soldiers in battle. I, like every other soldier, fought valiantly in the Battle Of Black Water.  Davos was sacrificed even before we reached the bay.The Ram had toughed the Gate. Unfortunately , we were never aware of 11th hour alliance of Lannisters and Tullies. When it felt like we are having the upper edge and that we would sack the King's Landing things started to fall apart. I was close to Victory ,This Close, *Pinches* but it all resembled a falling stack of cards.

Arnab : How did burning leeches help the cause ??

Stannis : I am not a king stagnant in his strategies. Approaching the problem with all the ways is what I know best. One way or other I will be the one sitting on the Throne , Soon enough.

Arnab : Frankly speaking , this is superstitious. When you burned those three leeches after what u called Usurper Balon Greyjoy , Usurper  Robb Stark, Usurper Joffrey Baratheon do u credit yourself for the slaughter?? Because Lannisters have been open in accepting that it was there strategy set in motion by Boltons and Freys .

Stannis : Think of it this way .Robb knew his allies were falling apart. Nobody told  Robb to marry a war nurse and upset his

Alliance. What's more some ineffable power made him stupid enough to believe that an already unsettled alliance with Frey's would bring Glory to him. If that was not Fire God , there is not other thing which should be credited for that.

Arnab : Did Lady Mellisandre tell u this ??

Stannis : Fire God did.   

Arnab: *Adjusts his hair settles back in seat  looks at camera* We have reached the climax of the show, when Westeros needs an answer, we will go to any lengths to get it. As the viewers will agree, in the end, it will be a victory for truth and lets just hope superstition is nowhere to go by.

Hodor : Hodor Hodor Hodor *Applauds*

Arnab : That was all for today. Hope you got what you asked for. Thanks for watching. Good night Ladies !!

Microphone Guy: SAAAAAAAR ???

Arnab: *Pack Up*

The Wolf of Wall Street and Emperor Of Your Hearts.

The Wolves

To even begin saying about this legendary motion picture , let me sum it up a bit..


Wolf of Wall Street is
1. Debauched
2. Lewd
3. Incoherent
4. Frivolous and offcourse absolutely
5. Fucking Awesome
6. Stylish
7. Obnoxious
8. Debauched Again





DEBAUCHERER distributing "Free Coupons"    

Scorsese has those  uncanny ways to depict some anti hero characters. Jordon Belfort being  the subject. This particular movie not only glorifies psychotic narcissism but also crime with finesse. Gone are the days when the Heroic characters beat the villains in climax and made out with heroines happily there after. Thanks to sitcoms viz. Breaking Bad , Game Of Thrones  that directors are thinking about that dark recess of human psyche of complex humans. "The Wolf Of Wall Street" is  like a college "Gone Crazy" for half the movie. One of the blackest comedies that is a full dose on Sex, Drugs and Greediness. 









The GoldFish. 

I may not suggest Garib People (Intellectually) to watch this movie all because they will end up saying "When did being downright bad become so cool?". Face it fellas our society has come so far in such a short span that we now praise wit and ingenuity of cheats and corrupts. Such intense is the acting that one cant help but just stand up and applaud . While rest is world is busy applauding for Leo-Di-Caprio's effort , which off-course absolutely is nothing less of charismatic, what they are conveniently ignoring is the fact that Jonah Hill was as awesome as him.The Magnetic , Cheesy-Minded , Right-Hand man with all his mischiefs is all set to enthrall the audience and HOW ?? He actually swallowed a Gold Fish, Man that was some serious shit !!







Best Scene In History Of Motion Pictures. 

The dialogue from the movie is the adage of current generation. It says " Money Talks and Bullshit Takes The Bus. " This particular rom-com is about bunch of rich folks who have, or should I say who care about, nothing but money. No health , No integrity , No Manners, No Respect , No Honesty , No time , Nothing at all but Money Money Money !!  The overdose of  Quaaludes is one of the best scenes in history of motion pictures. When leo crawls to his car is one classic piece of physical comedy , worthy of a Silent Movie.


What I like about  Scorsese is he chooses his subjects meticulously. With "The Aviator" I  thought he has extracted the pulp of Leo's acting elegance portraying life and times of Howard Huge. But he took things altogether to next level in The Wolf so much so that even bacchanal side of Jordon Belfort is celebrated. The film that was minted only and only for Caprio and he "Fucking" made it large with his acting genius.
The Wolf Of Wall Street !! 


He Came !! He Fucked !! He Snorted !! He Abused !! HE CONQUERED !!







 

The Angst Of Resented Viewer

Note : The Adds taken for ripping off are purely based on swings of my whim. Any resemblance to a particular product is off-course absolutely uncanny and is restricted to the stretch of reader's wild yet vivid imagination.


One of those days wherein I desperately wanted to write on some topic but was falling short altogether.  I couldn't even think of single topic. So I had some time last month to go through my thought process and chose what is that am ripping off this month. It’s tele commercials. Now I presume the readers to have an idiot-box at home and all there furniture is pointed to that box. Gone are the days  wherein advertisements  were only considered for creating awareness about particular product. These days there is a huge difference between message conveyed through advertisements and the actual product.Most of the adds don’t even have any sorta connection with short  video and marketing. This blog is just meant to convey the message that SELLING PEOPLE A FALSE ILLLUSION IS NOT COOL ..MAKING A REDICULE OF THERE DISABILITIES IS NOT COOL

To start with, out of many such adds I have listed quite a few adds  which I think were totally useless in content / making/ morals. Here you will find the adds that not only have achieved new low in creativity but dug it even further.  So without much ado .. Lets DIG !!

Cosmetics:

Fairness products. Probably they are the masters in selling the illusions. What is wrong with dusky skin tone anyways??They make add in such way that a girl with dusky ,or dark might  as well, skin tones is guilty about her tone. At the beginning of the add they show a girl who is rejected , untalented , unsuccessful. Somebody suggests her a fairness cream and it comes with a fairness meter (HorseShit ..Rite??) so that she can closely monitor ascent in her skin tone. She consistently applies the cream for 3-asifIcare-4 weeks and Bam !! There she goes looking like a Apsara  with a confidence of Pamila Anderson running in Baywatch . Does this fairness cream come with fortune changer or something I wonder ?? If not then how did a dumb-ass chick become a space scientist ?? And Guess what that is not even ridiculous part .. The most exasperating part comes in the end. As she walks the people just cant stop staring at her as if they haven't seen a Girl in there lives. Advertisers are here portraying a wrong image of pervert society that regards Fairness as an important trait  for living , WHICH ITS STRICTLY NOT !!

Listen Girls, if fairness was important to us guys we would have Dolly Bindra as our laptop wallpaper. Be just content with your tone because in guy's dictionary fairness is not even a parameter to look for in a girl. A girl is beautiful because of her character and personality, and strictly NOT because some stranger on internet told her that she is "Beautiful".Enough said.!!

Banking:

These adds are easy to spot. They end with 'MutualFundsaresubjecttomarketriskspleaseread theofferdoumentcarefullybeforeinvesting' . Its as ironical as it gets because seconds earlier they took you on a dreamy trip about your "Secure Future" and then they shove this note on your easy listening ears. A common man has enough risks already .. Risk of riding his bike carefully, risk of crossing the road, risk of being ditched by his GF, risk that his neighbor reads  his newspaper  b4  him , risk of being shot by a Grammar Nazi , risk of being fired without a Notice in these hard times of looming recession, risk of losing followers on twitter, risk of being smitten by a chick which he doesn’t even know etc .and if all these risks were not enough you ask ME to take a market risk. ARE YOU OUTTA OF YOUR BALLS ADVERTISERS ??  Not only that , they make you live a LIE .A lie that you witness once all your money is gone and only the guilt of investing it in a wrong scheme remains.I have nothing against there policies. Banking is also one the oldest profession and the vital aspect of civilization but the leverage against which they bait there policies is an inconvenient territory altogether.

 I remember a add wherein a kid not more than 10years old asks his DAD "पापा मेरे फ्यूचर के बारे में सोचा है  ??  (Dad do u think @ my future?)This is as unrealistic as it gets. Come on , what kid asks such a question?? I mean when I was 10 the question that concerned me was where does Pamila Anderson live ?? How do I get her number ?? Why is Bachchan making shitty films like Lal Badshah?? How Indians will bat after Sachin got out?? (This question I got till late last month as well) .Who on earth is David Beckham? Will Agent Smith and Trinity make out? (Matrix Comix) ,Is Harvey Dent a Dentist ?? How does Karishma Kapoor manage to look so beautiful without a makeup? Why is Melody so much choclaty? A kid of 10 yrs has these kind of questions and some one who could barely spell F U T U R E   is concerned about it is quiet a lot of exaggeration. And this  DUDE (his father) outta nowhere gets poignant thinking for his kid's plans. Get a life bro, get your kid a playstation, play some Call of Duty 4 with him and teach him some manners not to ask such nonsensically ass biting questionnaire.

Another such commercial was the one of some Insurance company.  The guy is going out of station of few days , sits in a Taxi , Ta Ta's his wife and is on the way of airport. On a way to airport he suddenly remembers that he forget to give money to his wife.(That’s an impossibilty .. Women are always aware of monetary matters in house and even when husband is going for office , they make sure they have adequate amount of money to run family expenses atleast for a  week or so.. But anyways we are not getting into that). He U-turns to his home and reaches. Now his wallet atleast has 16 ..Rs.100 notes he takes some 5 or 6 and is headed towards his wife. No sooner he begins to leave the Taxi Driver says " What if you don’t come for a week?"  the guy thinks "Oh yeah rite" takes another two notes  and is about to leave again but the driver is persisitent to ask " What if you don’t come for a month" ..What the Fuckerey  .. Mind your own business man and I am sure that involves shutting the fuck up and driving the passenger to his destination .. But this dude is quickly intimidated and takes a couple of notes more.  That should have been enough but the dickheaded driver  has a few more questions.. He shamelessly asks " What if you don’t come forever? Will this suffice your wife?? " ..The dude should've slapped him so  hard that he would 've come back from a trip to Galaxy within a few microseconds and  stubbornly ask this " WHY ON EARTH ARE YOU CONCERNED ABOUT MY WIFE SO MUCH , TO HELL WITH YOUR TAXI , GET LOST " .. But as learned earlier our's  is a FATTU dude who turns into a paranoid  listening to strangers. He has a moment of realisation that he should actually have an insurance plan.  The conclusion of this add is what I find twisted  which highly depicts nonexisiting insecurity in your life. It said " सर उठा के जियो " and I was like "Say Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? आबे हमने ऐसे किया ही क्या है सर झ़ुकानेको ?? और इतने भी बुरे दिन नहीं आये के टैक्सी वाले हमे सलाह देने लेगे !!  "

Miscellneous Products:

Well next up in the list is one hall of famer. This is one of bathroom utilities. What happens in the add is :

A umpire is standing amidst a cricket match. The bowler(who looks even worse than Laxman Shivaramkrishnan ) bowls the delivery to which batsman fumbles and is caught rite in front of wicket. He obliviously is out but our desperate umpire raises his pinky suggesting he needs to pee.  What on cricket field is happening. If the umpire was so very obsessed with his bathroom utilities why didn’t he watch lying in his bathtub?? He could have a Eureka moment deciding the things off the field. Advertisers would have thought of this before giving shitload of there product.

Consider Mumbai for instance. According to wikipedia 60% of its populace resides in informal housing. This figure includes Chawls , Dharavi as well as some semifurnished flats.  With that amount of people residing as a tenant or even as a landlord, being fastidious about a particular product say wash basin , or its TAP or a peculiar sanitary utensil  is so not the thing. As a tenant why would I give a damn about changing something in a rented house. As a landlord why would I change anything if all I have to do is rent the house. It’s a loop and this telecommercial is meant only for high classes of society.  Its because of such adds a devoid is created in a society targeting the upper middle class and scoffing at economically lower classes. The censor board should actually have a nom against all adds and make GENERALISATION for every one in society.  

The last and the final one in the list is a shaving cream commercial. (Oh you will love this!!) The add begins with stat. It says 89% of women like clean shaven men. I am not even going to describe this add. Every time this add features I switch the channel as I am obviously pissed at this (infomercial??) commercial. Before arriving at this stat.. I only have one question , 'Was the survey taken in some south Indian village or something ??' To rip off concept of this add lets date back to Dwapar Yuga ..

Narkasura.. The bro of all the asuraas. As we are not from that Yuga the character sketching in our mind is hugely dominated by the mythological TV series. In those it shown that the guy had Not One , Not Two but 16000 wives. (WHOA DUDE!! Way to go man )  . Isnt that magnanimously significant of fact that Girls DO NOT ,FROM THE CORE ,HATE GUYS WITH MOUSTACHE AND LITE BEARD (16000 is quiet a number)??  On the other hand look at Indra (King of all Gods) is always clean shaven. (OH MY MY !!) Urwashi ditched that dude for all bearded and well-mustachioed Vishwamitra. That’s exactly my point, having a moustache is sexy having a beard with it is even sexier. World is dominated by men with moustache. Hitler,Che Guvera ,Mitchell Johnson (Recent ashes .. The guy rocked and showed the world he is much more than Tattoos) etc.

I find selling a product with a tagline " 89% of women like blah blah " in itself is quiet daring, as most of women get exclusively whimsical when it comes to judge men & in no way I think it is a globally acceptable figure. Look I am not a moustachavinist  neither do I have anything against clean shaven fellas its just this stat which I find abundantly disturbing. I mean just think of Anil Kapoor and Madhuri dixit used to be a good duo. And times are such even Romeos are having a manly , stupendously well-trimmed , highly ingenious mustaches for there respective Juliets.(Ramleela)

Actually there are loads of commercials like Telcom companies , Electronic items , beverages and strictly speaking the list is never ending . But the days we live in the sequels are trendy.  So finally my unwillingness to abruptly end a blog is over and here I proudly announce the sequel to " The Angst Of Resented Viewer (TARV) 2"

To be continued.. (sometime in 2014) 

Game Of Thrones Questionnaire

As many people those many fantasies. This post is one such Fantasy of mine. The fantasy is being interviewed by Morgan Freeman.  So out of the craze i took a quiz thinking Mr. Freeman would ask me these question. So behold the questionnaire and get entertained instantly.







Q. Who is your Fav Character form Game of thrones book and the sitcom?
A. Book Sansa stark .. She is depicted strong in books. After all that she is been through how is her not being made fav character of.  Fav character sitcom of . Theon Grejoy .. There is a depth to this character and it starts growing on you as the series progresses. He is a fav .. All because of this ..




Here u go …



It is more like ..




Q.Fav Quote..
A.Lannisters always pays his debts.
Lannister send their regards. I like House Lannister so much that i even designed a sweat shirt by its name.




Q. Where would you want to live in GOT world?
A. On the wall.. first of all somewhere I feel the men at nights watch are doing a decent job keeping the white-walkers away from the realm and second of all I resemble like Samwell Tarly. Reminds me of my childhood when I was too fat for my own good.


 Q. Fav. House
A. Lannister offcourse .. Bad guys run the show .. 


  Q. Who would u ship?
A.  Asha Grejoy.. Not a strong character in books also in series ..


Q.  Picture that express your reaction to the show..
A.  RED WEEDING !!



So after this weeding i was like 




Q. Favorite moment in book …
A.  Spoiler Alert Ahead :  Book 3 .. Storm of Swords .. Page # 551.. Chapter Name : Tyrion


 


Q. Favorite moments in show..
A.1) All the convos between Jon Snow and Yigritte .. & incidentally all of those ended with "You Know Nothing Jon Snow"
2) The Battle of Blackwater Bay .. And the Tyrion Speech
3) The convos between Arya Stark and Tywin Lannister .. Interestingly these don’t exist in books.
4) and the BAAAP of ALL the moments  Joffery Getting slapped by his uncle Tyrion.. There is no beating this.






Q. Least Favorite Character
A. Ser.Barristan Selmy .. I mean ok the guy is Ace Gladiator and Bullshit but if I don’t like him I don’t like him.


Q. If you had a direwolf what would you name it?
A. Stannis.. The name has nice ring to it.. And u can always call him Big Stan . ( No offence to house Baratheon)


Q.Three words that describe GOT
A.  Delicious Fictional Bliss 


Q. If you had a house ..a) What would be the name ?b) What would be the sigil? c) What would be the words?
A. House Vebster.. Moustache would be the sigil .. Words : Fly High Fly Far .. Infact I even made a logo.



Q. What Stark would you be ?
A. First of all I wont be stark , second of all if I had no choice I will opt out with Rickon.. To find a justification  "READ THE GOD DAMN BOOKS"!!


Q. Invent a character that would fit in GOT.
A. SpolierAlert : there was impeccable chemistry between The Imp and his sell sword Bronn.. But during the trial for Joff's  murder Bronn chose money over master ..and with Tyrion on the run I would invent a character as loyal as POD and as brutal as Sandor Clegane to accompany his highness during this tough time.
Name : Ser.Websy Bratney  ht : 6 feet 2  WT : 192 pounds .. Moustache offcouse and light beard ,strong build not the one with obvious looks but Brute force hell yess, wearing a Lannister Armour and has a decent taste in women.  He would meet Tyrion at some Bar and would be his BEST sellsword to date . Something like this ..




Q. Whatz the most interesting thing about GOT ?
A. Unpredictability  is the word.With so many characters to keep a track of  as I said it is indeed a bliss. Also the series is perfectly in line with books as long as crucial details are concerned.  Nothing is predictable. You like a character and bam its gone .. This held true for Ned Stark , Rob Stark , Lady Catlyn , Ser Mormount  (The One on Night's Watch) Yigrrite.. HOLY FUCK !! DID I JUST SAY THAT ??


Q. Theon , Cersie, Jammie . Marry, Fuck, Throw off the cliff   What would u do ?
A. Fuck Cersie, then Marry her to Jammie coz Incest and then throw Theon off the cliff as a redemption for this Incestuous Sin.


Q.Who would you see battle it out ?
A. Bitch Fight :  Lady Mellisendre  vs Cersie … Maragery vs Danerys Targarean ..
     Bro Fight :  Sandor Clegane vs Ramsay Bolton … Stannis vs Jorah Mormount  .. Jon Snow vs Bronn



Q.What charcters death would be okay with you?
A. Interesting !! The gay Tyrell kid .. Jojen Reed his sister Meera … and the fucktards  Walder Frey and Roose Bolton.



Q. Top 5 fav characters.
A.1) Jon Snow
2)Lord Petyr Belish aka Little Finger.
3)Theon Grejoy
4)Tyrion Lannister
5)Arya Stark


Q.Give yourself a GOT inspired character name
A. Just did that earlier.  Ser.  Websy Bratney


Q. Give some advice to your Fav. characters.
A. I tweeted about it couple of months earlier. I was watching some 5th episode of third season. It was for Theon Grejoy. "Hang in there buddy , Revenge comes later." And one for Jon Snow .. Brace yourself dude coz we believe .. "Baap ka, Sautli maa ka, Sautele Bhai ka, Sauteli Bhabi ka , do wolfs ka(Lady and Grey Wind) , sabka badla lega re tera Jon Snow."






Q.Lord of the rings or Game of Thrones .. Pick one
A. I wont .. I don’t like the question.


Q. Fav Chapter in the Book..
A. Off all 3 I have finished reading .Storm of swords. I would pick above aforesaid chapter .. Tyrion .. Second best Tyrion again form book 2 clash of the kings.. Third choice Catlyn storm of swords Red Wedding


Q.Fav Episode
A.The one in which Jon Snow and Yigritte make out. The best romance I have ever seen, books TV Cinema all included.



Q. Best moment in the show.
A. Tyrion Speech during the battle of black water bay. I beleive that is very thing that got him Golden Globe. Every time I watch this i cry like a soldier.
Check this out ..





  *Partyz Over Guys*

The Man With The Arrogance Of Napolean

When time comes where I have accomplished every single thing on my wish list ,  like Avinaash( ANAND movie) I will buy a lot of balloons , donate a few to kids  and will leave rest in the sky. I will do that someday, singing "Wohi Chun kar Khamoshi, Yun Chale Jaaye Akele Kahan?" . This thought was developed after watching song of life of first superstar of Indian Cinema. What I see in the song is a man who is happy , is walking toward nothingness with balloons in his hand , cheerfully singing Good Bye.  

Wohi Chun Kar Khamooshi....

One of my earliest recollections of his period was ANAND. I may be 10 years old. For me—exposed till then to the usual Hindi film, where the hero always had a love interest, and where there were few (and mostly pretty melodramatic) moments of tragedy—Anand was different. There was never any doubt that Rajesh Khanna’s character was the hero. He was ebullient, full of life, charming, friendly, yet (in those moments of solitude) sensitive. I kept waiting for a heroine to pop up. Come on every kid has a first favorite heroine. Mine was Hema Malini, Karishma Kapoor,Urmila Matondkar and so on(list is big…may be in  some other place).Instead, what came was the deathbed scene. There was Anand, slipping away from life, falling suddenly silent—and his friend, the helpless doctor (played by Amitabh Bachchan) breaking down, begging Anand to speak. I couldn’t believe it. For me, heroes in Hindi films didn’t die. They were indestructible; through fire, explosions, crippling illnesses, armies of attacking villains—whatever. They came through it all. Most of all, they didn’t die of a disease I could barely pronounce. I was certain this was a ploy. Somewhere, it would turn out, someone had messed up. Medical reports had been bungled, and it would emerge that Anand was perfectly well. Just about now, he would open his eyes and smile that trademark smile. And all would be well.

And then came Anand’s voice. “Babu moshai, zindagi aur maut uparwaale ke haath hain, jahanpanah. Use na toh aap badal sakte hain, na main. Hum sab toh rangmanch ki katputliyaan hain…”

The last sentence made my hair stand in the end. That was the first time when something on screen made me cry. Whenever I remember the scene I get upset. What epitomizes Khanna's   acting spectrum are the songs of Life or poignancy arousing Deaths. Remember Andaz it was actually a Shammi kapoor film but Khanna made a cameo in it but WHAT A CAMEO!!!! If there is something called as shouting in tongues , there is another thing called as Laughing in EYES. Bachchan being the master of former , Khanna is the maestro of the later. Song (like these) picturized on him are and will be always be the anthem of the youth.   He is the one who actually inspired me through this dialogue "Zindagi Lambi nahi Badi Honi Chaiye".

Frankly put, this is how I want to be remembered.

Ironically a reel life hero cannot be such in real one. I guess that’s the curse of being a superstar.  The critics claimed him as "The man with the arrogance of Napoleon." All accomplished but as a actor you don’t expect to be respected form the Rajesh Khanna. Rajesh Khanna like all other industry pros had ups and ups. But unlike others he failed to real life hero. He took audience for granted. He went into his den when his days were declining  and stayed there licking his wounds reminiscing the glory days .Khanna was left stuck in a time warp, a sad and bitter man, living inside a bottle, wallowing in self-pity, still clinging on to delusions of grandeur. It must be hard for him to digest the fact that somebody would take his place. Look at his contemporary actors. People know everything about Dilip Kumar, Dev Anand. Dharamendra and Jeetendra might have been a yard less compared to him in those times but when it comes to remember the yesteryear superstars now , they strike your mind before Khanna.

My mom always scolded me as a kid when I heard the Rajesh Khanna collection from my DAD's cupboard. The reason being his songs arouse a sense of poignancy. Little did she know that Poignant is Khanna's middle name.

Sigh! And sigh again. Rajesh Khanna’s decline and descent, depressing as it is, serves us well. All of us. Fame and fortune are fickle lovers, ready to be courted by the next suitor — someone younger, richer, more accomplished. Nobody is spared. Not Presidents, Prime Ministers, Kings and Queens. But unlike Khanna they strive to rise above ashes . The Havell Fan's commercial seriously made me weep.I personally love all Rajesh khanna movies...such stories, such songs, such acting...made us drool though we don't belong to that generation...but I guess too much pride in oneself can destroy anyone. The word stardom was minted only & only for khanna. When we lose a loved one something within us dies . We lost a bit of us on 18th July 2012 with enigmatic star called Rajesh Khanna.

…SAPNO KA RAHI,CHALA GAYA SAPNO SE AAGE KAHA………..

Once Upon A Time In 1770's….

Magic Happens when u go through these pages 

Books are just chunk of pages if the reader has got no imagination. Same is the case with movies. Hence comes the concept of targeted audience. Some movies appeal to certain sector of people. Like the place where I come from , Solapur. The blokes around that region are so frenetic about Sanjay Dutt movies that no matter what the movie is a block buster is word . Yes I am talking about super floppies like Dus , Zilla Gajiabad and to make the matters more worse "Vaah! Life ho to aisi ". But my taste in movies is quiet different. I remember the time when I watched Taxi Number 9211 twice and not regret the same. Same thing happened a couple of days back. I finished watching Jolly LLB twice. This blog is meant to throw some light on legal affairs and court of law.

A lot of people these days ask me" If I were not an engineer what would I be ?" The expectation that they have is a writer of a sort . But to my interest advocacy would be the profession I would have chosen . Sure , I love words but what I love more is the application of words. I learn words not to get the meaning while I read but to implement the same words while I speak with people  or when I write . Advocacy has appealed to me ever since I have read some parts of history. People like Napoleon, Adolf Hitler , Winston Churchill were not only effective military generals but they were also blessed with good advocates to mark there achievements off the field.

 Why go international ? You are not a Maratha if you are unaware about instrumental role of Jeeva Mahal in Pratapgad war where Shivaji Maharaj killed Afjal Khan.  Throle Bajirao Peshve …. The Invincible warrior who was never registered with a defeat on a field should be complimented more for his Advocacy Skills than the Bravura in plotting a particular battle. But the best was yet to come. This is rightly said that the night is darkest just before the dawn. The darkest part  of night arrived in form of Loss of third battle of Panipath . Not only was that a economic loss but a moral defeat. It is said every house in Maharashtra has a ancestor lost in the battle of Panipath. It required more than Law , Order and Financial Discipline to shape the structural economy of once magnanimous Maratha Empire. The empire was in ruins and the responsibility of bearing such a huge load of loss was critical. Young Madhavrao Peshwe , age 16 , steps up.

Thorle Bajirao Peshwe 

King is as good as his attorneys. Shivaji Maharaj had baggage of people like Tanaji Malusaray , Jeeva Mahal , Dadoji Kontdev but more than anybody Jejau Maasaheb who contributed with blood and sand in laying the strong foundation of Swarajya. Same was the case with Thorle Bajirao Peshwe. His team had the likes of Shindes , Holkars , Gaikwads and Pawars. All of them have credentials that render Bajirao Invincible. But the same cant be said about Madhavrao Peshve. Even after having a long list of brave family members they were all to lenient to shoulder the burden of Empire. In such a scenario it needed much more than the ability of Madahvrao to get Marathi out of the zone of this fluid economy . Enter RAM SHASTRI.

The integrity of this man is unparalleled in the accent of Maratha empire post Panipath. Ram Shastri was astute man apt in knowledge of Law ,State Affairs and Politics. His debacle with a pontiff took 5 days of argument to settle. He was the one who stood like a rock behind the young Madahvrao.  Considering the poor economy that Maharashtra was suffering he even refused the royal gift made to his wife. The period marks Shakespeare Portryal of lady McBeth with young decisive Narayanrao being a faint copy of Hamlet. The highlight of Ramshastri's life was the case of narayan rao's death. To understand the case let me tell you a story….

Raghunathrao(Raghoba Dada) was the uncle of Madhav rao Peshwe. He always caustic about being second best . Being youngest son of Throle Bajirao Peshwe and Maratha Empire in its  heyday , the guy was treated as a prince. But that was no compromise for his bravery.  Raghoba dada was a valiant swordsman and an astute cavalry leader. Having said that , the facts stays till date he was too innocent  to run the State Affairs. Innocence is a bad word when it comes to describe the Prime Ministers (दौलतीचे पेशवे). It was due to the bravado of this man that the Maratha Empire spanned from Karnatak to Auttock (now in south Afganistaan). He was the military general during the Auttock Regime. Unfortunately Good soldiers don’t make a good king.At that time his elder brother Nanasaheb Peshwe was the Prime Minister and he was a General.

The cloud of Peshwai was marked with libidinous lining and Raghoba dada was no exception and so was his elder brother Nanasaheb. Nanasaheb was instrumental in developing Pune city. He did build a lot of good structures like Parvati , Katraj Dam (old one), revamping of Shaniwar Wada but he was also the one who legalized brothels. One of the establishments still stands tall juxtaposing Shaniwar Wada (the residence of peshwe) and that street is called Budhwar Peth. On 14th Jan 1761 , Makar Sankranti day , while the entire Maratha generation vanished on the field of Panipath, Nanasheb was busy in his 3rd matrimonial ceremony with a 9 year old. Even Raghoba dada did not go on a war owing to the fulfillment of his lustful desires.  With a loss of manpower and economy Nanasaheb could not sustain the pressure and died soon thereafter. Raghoba was more than sure that prime ministry is his. But the King had different plans.  He opted for young blood in Madhavrao Peshwe and made him the PM. Thus struck the first discord in Peshwa family.

Sawai Madhavrao Peshwe in the center at Ganesh Bhavan in Shaniwar Wada 

No matter how great were his war tactics , family feud took Raghoba away from the battlefield and always kept him out of war zone. Young Dynamic Madahvarao with Ramshastri and Nana Phadanvis took over  the Maratha Empire when it was in shambles and was under the burden of huge debts. The discipline was  almost nonexistent. It  was the time when Madhavrao looked all the depts. Administration Accounts and Treasury. The family feud  between  uncle and his nephew grew bitter and bitter. To analyze the character , and to state a fact Raghunath rao  was not a bad person but having a bad company is what makes him worst amongst all of Peshwa Clan. He tried an assassination attempt on Madahvrao which was futile. Madhavrao had to take some tough decisions to bring an end to all of misery.  This is where Raghunathrao faces a house arrest. Even his wife is accused with the same charges and faces house arrest. 

Sawai Madhavrao Peshwe 

The biggest grudge of Marathas is King was always short lived. The very founder of Swarajya Shivaji Maharaj died young at 49. Another notable leader after him Thorle Bajirao Peshwe died at 40. Third in line of short lived kings was Madhavrao Peshwe. He died even younger at the age of 26 of Tuberculosis, not before getting the economy out of ruins. Economically Stable , Politically Unstable Maratha Empire was asking for law and order of sorts as Raghunathrao was sensing his long lost unfulfilled ambition to become a Peshwa come true  and he was ready to go at any level to make that happen.

When you are deprived of your likelihood for a long time , justifications of your actions or inactions is immaterial. Thus began the ugliest episode in Martha history. A nephew killed by his own uncle when uncle wasn't even sure what orders are carried by his soldiers. It so happened….

Somewhere in 1773 Gardi gaurds enter Shaniwar Wada and create chaos. Sumer Singh Gaardi is the agent of chaos who leads this commotion. Raghoba and his wife are facing a house arrest since he unsuccessfully tried to backstab recently expired Madhavrao Peshwe. Raghunath rao wanted to be a Peshwa of highest order , but first he had to free himself out of house-arrest. The patrol was not so stern as the Maratha Empire did not yet finish mourning for there late king. Advantage Raghoba. He sent a message to Sumer to catch the recently acting minister 18 years old Narayan Rao Peshwa (elder brother of Madahvrao) . Literally saying , नारायणला धरावे !!  The message not only got intercepted but also manipulated by none other than his beloved wife Anandi. Little did anybody know ,the one alphabet manipulation would cost Narayanrao his life.  The manipulated message was नारायणला मारावे !! Literally meaning , Kill Narayan.  Raghoba had no idea of this 
mis-communication.

The Gardi's created a turmoil. Made Narayanrao run for his life. Narayanrao , confused agitated scared all at the same time started to rescue himself. The innocent kid thought his uncle would come to his rescue. He ran for his life chanting "काका मला वाचवा"( save me uncle). It was just matter of time that Raghoba saw his own nephew slaughtered rite in front of him and he had no idea what orders were supposed to be carried out.This sorry act brought ill fame to administration of Peshwe.

Ram Shastri 

The matter needed investigation of sorts. Ram Shastri carried out the investigation and the official matters were looked by Nana Phadanvis. The investigation conclusively ended with Raghunath rao, Anandi, and Summer Singh guilty.  But the brat that Raghoba was denied his charges , pleading the welfare of the state was his main motivation. The judge did not consider the plea for leniency. Rather than staying the puppet of Chief Justice , Ramshastri stayed true to his job. Raghunatrao , Anandibai and Sumer Singh were found guilty and ordered to be prosecuted. Althought Raghunath Rao was aquitted , Anandi was declared an offender of the state and Sumer as the culprit. This was a stern decision , given the fluid period in Maratha empire.

Ramshastri handled such a complex case and conclusively passed the strict decision. The man with frugal lifestyle that he had , he stayed the same. After passing the decision, he relinquished his office and privileges and left for pilgrimage.

इति:  राम शास्त्री!!