The Angst Of Resented Viewer

Note : The Adds taken for ripping off are purely based on swings of my whim. Any resemblance to a particular product is off-course absolutely uncanny and is restricted to the stretch of reader's wild yet vivid imagination.


One of those days wherein I desperately wanted to write on some topic but was falling short altogether.  I couldn't even think of single topic. So I had some time last month to go through my thought process and chose what is that am ripping off this month. It’s tele commercials. Now I presume the readers to have an idiot-box at home and all there furniture is pointed to that box. Gone are the days  wherein advertisements  were only considered for creating awareness about particular product. These days there is a huge difference between message conveyed through advertisements and the actual product.Most of the adds don’t even have any sorta connection with short  video and marketing. This blog is just meant to convey the message that SELLING PEOPLE A FALSE ILLLUSION IS NOT COOL ..MAKING A REDICULE OF THERE DISABILITIES IS NOT COOL

To start with, out of many such adds I have listed quite a few adds  which I think were totally useless in content / making/ morals. Here you will find the adds that not only have achieved new low in creativity but dug it even further.  So without much ado .. Lets DIG !!

Cosmetics:

Fairness products. Probably they are the masters in selling the illusions. What is wrong with dusky skin tone anyways??They make add in such way that a girl with dusky ,or dark might  as well, skin tones is guilty about her tone. At the beginning of the add they show a girl who is rejected , untalented , unsuccessful. Somebody suggests her a fairness cream and it comes with a fairness meter (HorseShit ..Rite??) so that she can closely monitor ascent in her skin tone. She consistently applies the cream for 3-asifIcare-4 weeks and Bam !! There she goes looking like a Apsara  with a confidence of Pamila Anderson running in Baywatch . Does this fairness cream come with fortune changer or something I wonder ?? If not then how did a dumb-ass chick become a space scientist ?? And Guess what that is not even ridiculous part .. The most exasperating part comes in the end. As she walks the people just cant stop staring at her as if they haven't seen a Girl in there lives. Advertisers are here portraying a wrong image of pervert society that regards Fairness as an important trait  for living , WHICH ITS STRICTLY NOT !!

Listen Girls, if fairness was important to us guys we would have Dolly Bindra as our laptop wallpaper. Be just content with your tone because in guy's dictionary fairness is not even a parameter to look for in a girl. A girl is beautiful because of her character and personality, and strictly NOT because some stranger on internet told her that she is "Beautiful".Enough said.!!

Banking:

These adds are easy to spot. They end with 'MutualFundsaresubjecttomarketriskspleaseread theofferdoumentcarefullybeforeinvesting' . Its as ironical as it gets because seconds earlier they took you on a dreamy trip about your "Secure Future" and then they shove this note on your easy listening ears. A common man has enough risks already .. Risk of riding his bike carefully, risk of crossing the road, risk of being ditched by his GF, risk that his neighbor reads  his newspaper  b4  him , risk of being shot by a Grammar Nazi , risk of being fired without a Notice in these hard times of looming recession, risk of losing followers on twitter, risk of being smitten by a chick which he doesn’t even know etc .and if all these risks were not enough you ask ME to take a market risk. ARE YOU OUTTA OF YOUR BALLS ADVERTISERS ??  Not only that , they make you live a LIE .A lie that you witness once all your money is gone and only the guilt of investing it in a wrong scheme remains.I have nothing against there policies. Banking is also one the oldest profession and the vital aspect of civilization but the leverage against which they bait there policies is an inconvenient territory altogether.

 I remember a add wherein a kid not more than 10years old asks his DAD "पापा मेरे फ्यूचर के बारे में सोचा है  ??  (Dad do u think @ my future?)This is as unrealistic as it gets. Come on , what kid asks such a question?? I mean when I was 10 the question that concerned me was where does Pamila Anderson live ?? How do I get her number ?? Why is Bachchan making shitty films like Lal Badshah?? How Indians will bat after Sachin got out?? (This question I got till late last month as well) .Who on earth is David Beckham? Will Agent Smith and Trinity make out? (Matrix Comix) ,Is Harvey Dent a Dentist ?? How does Karishma Kapoor manage to look so beautiful without a makeup? Why is Melody so much choclaty? A kid of 10 yrs has these kind of questions and some one who could barely spell F U T U R E   is concerned about it is quiet a lot of exaggeration. And this  DUDE (his father) outta nowhere gets poignant thinking for his kid's plans. Get a life bro, get your kid a playstation, play some Call of Duty 4 with him and teach him some manners not to ask such nonsensically ass biting questionnaire.

Another such commercial was the one of some Insurance company.  The guy is going out of station of few days , sits in a Taxi , Ta Ta's his wife and is on the way of airport. On a way to airport he suddenly remembers that he forget to give money to his wife.(That’s an impossibilty .. Women are always aware of monetary matters in house and even when husband is going for office , they make sure they have adequate amount of money to run family expenses atleast for a  week or so.. But anyways we are not getting into that). He U-turns to his home and reaches. Now his wallet atleast has 16 ..Rs.100 notes he takes some 5 or 6 and is headed towards his wife. No sooner he begins to leave the Taxi Driver says " What if you don’t come for a week?"  the guy thinks "Oh yeah rite" takes another two notes  and is about to leave again but the driver is persisitent to ask " What if you don’t come for a month" ..What the Fuckerey  .. Mind your own business man and I am sure that involves shutting the fuck up and driving the passenger to his destination .. But this dude is quickly intimidated and takes a couple of notes more.  That should have been enough but the dickheaded driver  has a few more questions.. He shamelessly asks " What if you don’t come forever? Will this suffice your wife?? " ..The dude should've slapped him so  hard that he would 've come back from a trip to Galaxy within a few microseconds and  stubbornly ask this " WHY ON EARTH ARE YOU CONCERNED ABOUT MY WIFE SO MUCH , TO HELL WITH YOUR TAXI , GET LOST " .. But as learned earlier our's  is a FATTU dude who turns into a paranoid  listening to strangers. He has a moment of realisation that he should actually have an insurance plan.  The conclusion of this add is what I find twisted  which highly depicts nonexisiting insecurity in your life. It said " सर उठा के जियो " and I was like "Say Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? आबे हमने ऐसे किया ही क्या है सर झ़ुकानेको ?? और इतने भी बुरे दिन नहीं आये के टैक्सी वाले हमे सलाह देने लेगे !!  "

Miscellneous Products:

Well next up in the list is one hall of famer. This is one of bathroom utilities. What happens in the add is :

A umpire is standing amidst a cricket match. The bowler(who looks even worse than Laxman Shivaramkrishnan ) bowls the delivery to which batsman fumbles and is caught rite in front of wicket. He obliviously is out but our desperate umpire raises his pinky suggesting he needs to pee.  What on cricket field is happening. If the umpire was so very obsessed with his bathroom utilities why didn’t he watch lying in his bathtub?? He could have a Eureka moment deciding the things off the field. Advertisers would have thought of this before giving shitload of there product.

Consider Mumbai for instance. According to wikipedia 60% of its populace resides in informal housing. This figure includes Chawls , Dharavi as well as some semifurnished flats.  With that amount of people residing as a tenant or even as a landlord, being fastidious about a particular product say wash basin , or its TAP or a peculiar sanitary utensil  is so not the thing. As a tenant why would I give a damn about changing something in a rented house. As a landlord why would I change anything if all I have to do is rent the house. It’s a loop and this telecommercial is meant only for high classes of society.  Its because of such adds a devoid is created in a society targeting the upper middle class and scoffing at economically lower classes. The censor board should actually have a nom against all adds and make GENERALISATION for every one in society.  

The last and the final one in the list is a shaving cream commercial. (Oh you will love this!!) The add begins with stat. It says 89% of women like clean shaven men. I am not even going to describe this add. Every time this add features I switch the channel as I am obviously pissed at this (infomercial??) commercial. Before arriving at this stat.. I only have one question , 'Was the survey taken in some south Indian village or something ??' To rip off concept of this add lets date back to Dwapar Yuga ..

Narkasura.. The bro of all the asuraas. As we are not from that Yuga the character sketching in our mind is hugely dominated by the mythological TV series. In those it shown that the guy had Not One , Not Two but 16000 wives. (WHOA DUDE!! Way to go man )  . Isnt that magnanimously significant of fact that Girls DO NOT ,FROM THE CORE ,HATE GUYS WITH MOUSTACHE AND LITE BEARD (16000 is quiet a number)??  On the other hand look at Indra (King of all Gods) is always clean shaven. (OH MY MY !!) Urwashi ditched that dude for all bearded and well-mustachioed Vishwamitra. That’s exactly my point, having a moustache is sexy having a beard with it is even sexier. World is dominated by men with moustache. Hitler,Che Guvera ,Mitchell Johnson (Recent ashes .. The guy rocked and showed the world he is much more than Tattoos) etc.

I find selling a product with a tagline " 89% of women like blah blah " in itself is quiet daring, as most of women get exclusively whimsical when it comes to judge men & in no way I think it is a globally acceptable figure. Look I am not a moustachavinist  neither do I have anything against clean shaven fellas its just this stat which I find abundantly disturbing. I mean just think of Anil Kapoor and Madhuri dixit used to be a good duo. And times are such even Romeos are having a manly , stupendously well-trimmed , highly ingenious mustaches for there respective Juliets.(Ramleela)

Actually there are loads of commercials like Telcom companies , Electronic items , beverages and strictly speaking the list is never ending . But the days we live in the sequels are trendy.  So finally my unwillingness to abruptly end a blog is over and here I proudly announce the sequel to " The Angst Of Resented Viewer (TARV) 2"

To be continued.. (sometime in 2014)