ह्याची साठी केला होता अट्टाहास

Ever since childhood I've been a huge fan of make believe fantasy . That made me fan of video games. I remember I got a good beating from Mom for entirely different reason that she was so guilty the other day , we purchased our first color TV. Now since we couldn’t afford cable throughout the year I used to play brick games in that TV. Nice and simple 2D game where you move bricks , form a structure and progress to next level. Customs are important shops in Solapur. Predominantly run by Muslims on imported clothes, fabric , and some China made electronic products sent by there relatives upstate. So when we buying clothes , apart from that my eyes were always on gaming consoles available in those times. And God was kind in providing me with the following.

These were brought years apart ,yet they are in working condition. When we went for month long north indian trip I carried the blue one. I sat besides Mom all the time and after discussions about the current adventure I slipped into this device. For most part of my teens this was the greatest companion. The very reason why I have no regrets about not having any colony friends, who never resonated with my frequency. Then owing to lack of population my first school needed to be shut down and my parents admitted me to other just a block away from first. With the school shut down me and Mom used to wander from one school to other , but since they were densely populated we kept looking. Funny thing like me and my mom we saw another couple at Siddheshwar highschool a kid same my age and his mom. We(me and the other kid) didn’t speak much but our Moms got along right at that very moment. Later on both us kids were admitted to same school and we became besties. Our houses were close so after school we returned talk about what was taught but most importantly on off days we used to go to Navi Peth gaming zone. That introduced computer gaming in my life which is still On.

To tell you the fact by this date I've purchased 4 systems, 3 laptops and a desktop. In each of which there is an entire drive just for saving the games. I am so frenetic that I purchased all Assassin's Creed  games and played it on my laptop. Though the last one(revelation) felt a little boring. The reason for all this rant is things move on and I've upgraded to a dedicated playing console.

This is very thing I've always wanted since 2015 and now I got it. I just cant wait to set it up with GTA first , get in the car and drive as Michael. Again, the God has been kind. Thanks lord for this gift.

Years have gone by conforming the uncertainty principle so what's certain is this you cant connect the dots looking forwards , sometimes not even looking backwards. You gotta somehow believe that they will connect and never cease to do your thing.

Never Settle !!

The Shower Thoughts

I’m asleep and this is the best I am do today. Lose an hour gain an hour ,
as much as the world fails you, never regret having a good heart. 














Everything is louder when you're trying not to wake someone. Sorry about morning, I will be back in 2 shakes of lambs tail.

The Angst Rises

It’s been an eternity since my last blog post and without a fuss lets summarize the fact that I was too busy debating in Whatsapp groups over how CSK is only the team which plays the sport in a way it is meant to be played. Having conquered the milestone of Champions League T20 the cricket lover in me can rest for 8 months of some non-cricketing action .

Making a movie must be easy enough. I mean if guys like Rohit Shetty can do it  and likes of Shaan and Mika Singh can "ACT", it must not be difficult at all. The glitch lies in clarifying the idea using less resources. You can write a book to explain something that can thoroughly express your feelings in 140 characters or less. 

As announced in the previous blog  this is a sequel. So without lets dig the advertisements on Indian TV.

Print Media:

I don’t remember a day since last 65887963341 days that I didn’t wake up to a highly lavish and articulate front page ads. Back when 10"X12" rectangular ads  were considered as mark of stature ,advertising sector evolved. This evolution is good for a genuine enough products but most of the times it’s like a Kohinoor diamond which I don’t want to buy with money I don’t have for the people I don’t like. These days even a front page ad ain't enough. For TOI its not an ad if it does not cover FrontPage, Flip Page and the next page. Hence I find myself struck with Florid Homes , Guys in underwear , some ugly-ass politician on first page of daily.

Making you aware of the products you don't want elicits this exact reaction. 

As a great man once said "If you stack Times OF India for a week , it will have an uncanny resemblance of Book of Thermodynamics". Yes , its that bulky. No,  its not all news. Hell ,for the festive season ranging from Dusherra to Diwali and Christmas to New years , the daily should be name Advertisements Of India. My attention span is wasted by visual chaos of glitzy ads and glamorous pics  of cleavage. No they still haven't learnt a lesson over Objectification and still indulge in (t)it with quiet an audacity  off-course with a different subject. And what is  with half-cut front page?? It may well be a creative advertisement strategy but its an unscratchable  itch in butt of reader going through 6th page while holding the paper.

TVC

Vicco:

Vicco is Bheeshma Peetamah of Advertising Industry. May be they have entered a contract with cinema distributors that the advertisements are extinct on TV.Also monetary matters play a vital role in managerial decisions like these. But they have an eargasmic jingle in history of all jingles, along with Nirma and Lifebuoy.  A moment of applaud for the jingle below

"Vajradanti, Vajradanti, Vicco Vajradanti

Vicco Powder , Vicco Paste,

Ayurvedic jadibootiyo se bana sampoorn swadeshi,

Viccoooooooooo Vajradanti"

The only people who are not aware of this jingle are ones that are born deaf. The youth of this generation has grown up watching Tendulkar bat amidst the Vicco ads between the overs. And if that is an understatement , the correct statement is the jingle even calmed the cry babies . It was a mainstream product in late 90's even early 2000's. But they grew esoteric after 2006-07.  It deftly differentiated itself from the specialty crèmes relying totally on Aurvedic Benefits and stifled in the competition.  They went invariable to a change the way they go about marketing. The thing audience asks is a shift in focus from rural and semi-urban youth to all-urbane pop. Because fact is simple  the moment word "fairness cream" is uttered "Fair and Lovely" pops in mind, more so with "toothpaste" has become synonymous with "Coalgate". That’s the way they were marketed as opposed to your product which is not updated from 25years. Which is like 250 in a marketing world. For lets not play the blame game of an average Indian obsessed with opting for foreign brands over the desi ones.

Vicco's reaction after 25 years of unchanged advertisement.  

Harpic:

India has produced some great Mathematicians , Aryabhat , some great cricketers Manoj Prabhakars and Vyankatpati Rajus (pun intended). What India did not do is invade other nations. This is an historical fact for last 10,000 years . And a guy called Hussain seems to be taken aback by it. The motto of his life is to invade other people's toilets yellow toilets with his product and ask them to participate in the same product challenge. Such ads are so pervasive its like a patient heading towards doctor knowing which drugs they want. What's worse is they have reserved the slot of being telecasted during the meals. No one is against Hygine mind you but why prove the effectiveness of your product by showing people Yellowest Toilets and filthy germs in it, WHILE THEY ARE EATING ?? YUCKMAX !!

Toothpaste:

I don’t mean to sound condescending to Dentists, but why are they marketed like nobody's at the mall??Reminds me of days one used to black tickets. Its just "Kya Aapke Daton mein zanzanahat hoti hai ??" is the new "10 ka 20". And colossally idiotic Sonakshi Ad is nothing but testament of stupefaction itself. Sonakshi posing as a journalist confirms the very fact what journalism has come to these days. Its not even a hyperbole that TOI has more advertisements than News as discussed earlier , no wonder journalist keep asking people about salt content in their tooth paste that real news can fuck itself in its arse.

Having white teeth is not enough.
 Toothpaste advertisers will be happy if everyone has a Madhuri Dixit Grin.

There have been some great battles in history like Battle of Palassey , Battle of Waterloo but a common man is aware of battle against germ buildup. Strategy with which tooth paste is advertised is brilliant. These guys have a knack of bombarding terms like "Active Salt" , "Active Germ build up" , "The Power Of Salt and Lemon", "24" hour protection ". It’s a toothpaste for Christ's sakes not a security guard of an ownership that is your mouth. If you are Happy with your white teeth,you are doing your life your life wrong. You need extra white teeth.Its high time that the curmudgeon in Dabur Lal Dantamanjan ads bitchslaps the advertisers coming up with such obviously non-existent terms. And if that is not enough say hello to leading innovation "Mouth Wash" wherein you gargle the fuck outta germs in your mouth so much so that it’s a zanzanhat of pleasure. Gimme a break !!

Pesticides Cola Companies:

 The entire of Product Marketing Strategies are encircled around Customer's Wants, not Needs mind you. Marketing people take a liberty and go a mile in convincing consumers that they Need their product. With a fair amount of convincing the consumer begins to think "Yeah this is basic commodity for my survival on this planet." and ends up buying the product. The ad as glitzy as it gets makes consumer lose his perspective.  Products like  Coca-Cola have not been innovated as a product since last gazillion years. The change in shape of bottle and the way it is packaged is only subjective metamorphosis it has went through. So my question to you is simple " Do we need Coke in hunter gatherer sense of way ?". I wish they make an episode of Sataymev Jayate on it and ruin the Sunday morning of viewers in more languages than 1.

Increase the price of 600 ml coke from Rs.20 to Rs.35 in a month no one bats an eye.
Reduce the price of 32gb pendrive by Rs10 and everyone goes crazy.

Thumbs Up :The add reassures my faith that men were first apes. Just so , they had to hunt for their food, but the way Salman does it is unconvincing as fuck. I mean had this been 1998 wherein his screen image looked athletic that would be a big thumbs up. But now even my granny is bored of seeing you on TV screen. Dude what on God's green earth is your problem that you have do silly looking stunts for Rs.10 thumbs up?? Its ubiquitous as a product. Hell .. There are places where you don’t get water but cola is readily available and the stunts you do are far more unconvincing. Yes Taste the thunder is a good line but isn't that same line and same tone since dinosaurs went extinct?? And leave aside platitude of funda preaching that "Dhakkan Nikalne Ki Der Hai " . I thought it was plagiarized from Mountain Dew. The ad is a pantomime of lunacy and advertisers better be coming up something new for already established product of theirs.

Off course this is not open letter. But history has proved it over and over again that your acting talents are rare as moisture in Sahara desert but be that as it may , gracious Indians that we are , we would even make a youtube video of you eating a biryani a 200crore hit .Having said that your films , 150 min long , fail to cater the quench of sane audiences leave alone the advertising sector that "DEMANDS" you to be sharp in 30 sec or less.  Its not smart for a man short a couple of years  of turning 50, still single, popping pills (revital) to stay energized to preach philosophy and sell soda. Enough Said !!

Salman Khan pops uninvited on screen with special effects more than Matrix movie.

Pepsi:

Pepsi and thumbs-up are like the classic  arch rivals. The nemesis of objectification lies in a way they've handled to get that no.2 spot for cola companies. As Walter White (#BreakingBad)  would say, first slot is reserved for classic coke. Some of the international ads are stupendous owing to basic fact that focus is on the product   as opposed to the stardom of dude advertising it. Thanks to Pepsi for  they are the pioneers of improvisation in advertising industry. Be it  "To be continued…" ads seasonally , or " Bees Saal Baad " ads during WC 2003 or "Change The Game" ads during WC2011 they made their motto crystal clear "Love Me or Hate Me , You May not ignore me."  While digging the gold 8 times outta 10 , it also dug some bullshit. One such eyesore is Virat Kohli ad that is featuring currently.  Where do I begin with this dude ?? It is almost 3 months after the infamous martyrdom of Indian Test Batting in English conditions. One of the most unsuccessful  struggling batsmen since then is *drum rolls* Virat Kohli. The hunky sportsman is yet to figure out a way to get out other than nudging the ball to first slip . The frustration reaches the zenith when the ad shows up of him when he has gotten out. Hardy Har Har !!

So kohli blue-balled KALLIS to sell cola. Duh !! 

I have nothing against him doing anything with anything. This TVC is a blunder. Lets skip the part where he is praised for having a philosophical touché of Philosophy Honors Grad.  He is shown giving blue balls to God of South-African cricketer Jacques Kallis. Jacques is an university of cricketing spirit. When it comes to cricket He is Amitabh Bachchan to Rajpal Yadav that is Virat Kohli. That’s not even a metaphor for respective heights of Mr.Bachchan and Yadav.Fitting as it may, the ad shows Kallis running his full length run-up. The run-up which is brutally halted by smirking Kohli, wherein he opens Pepsi like James Bond opening champagne and then asks Kallis to bowl to him. In defense of advertisers the focus  is bravura of batsmen after consuming sip of cola. Why does the guy bowling has to be Kallis ?? Why cant he be Dhawal Kulkarni or some MI bowler ??While Kallis is known as a batsman who has a technique for every condition , Kohli is yet to make a mark on pacy pitches. An average Indian who got pissed about Maria Sharapova not knowing Tendulkar is the same Indian who ran outta grey cells in his brain not knowing " THE TEMPLATE OF EXEMPLARY BRILLIANCE" i.e Jacques Kallis. Sad !! As a mechanical engineer   I know for a fact there is a thing called "allowance" in Casting and Forging  industries. The designers have to account for "shrinkage" , "Draft" etc so that the dimension and shape of casting is held intact. Similarly advertisers should provide  "Outta Form Allowance" for sportsman who is outta form. Irony reached its peak when ad of Yuvraj's Revital ad still featured while he was in chemotherapy. Same goes for Kohli's add preaching "Man"kind about fairness and other Cola Products.

 Nescafe :

I had reached end of days wherein I had a felling that it's only me who find Deepika and Poorab Kohli's earlier nescafe ads boring as fuck. Apart form catchy tone, which they are using ever since British invaded India as East India Company, Nescafe didn’t have anything to be particularly remembered about. Expecting anything form such a house was an overstatement of sort  in itself but still somewhat better than its contemporaries like Bru ( featuring Anushka , her upper lip and her lower lip)  and …..Wait that’s about it. But to my shock Nescafe comes up with a brilliant ad.  A Stammering Comedian was still an untouched territory and in times of where one  desperately searches remote control amidst a show , this very add makes the viewer stop and savor unique taste of its advertising brilliance. Off course the guy is awkward , off-course jokes are not that funny but the idea they marked is as freshening as their product . Also the video quality is sonorous enough with some well edited scenes. Watching this ad is a compliment in itself. To be frank , I first watched it as an add on a YouTube and even when I had option of skipping it after 5 secs I didn't ,its exact thing that makes advertiser proud and not every advertiser can powerfully boast.

Kudos to some great thinking !! You have engaged me in quiet a enthralling way.

They say you have upper hand in debate if you end it with a rhyme. Well here goes, one for the advertisers.

Please Don't come up with factitious terms ,
Its not cool to sell germs ,
Please Don't making a living outta "taunt",
Focus on the Need and not want.

Why I Met Your Mother ??

The moment I finished up watching the finale my reaction can very well be communicated through this picture. 

Now just because you are a fan of some serial doesn’t mean you blindly follow what writers write. You are allowed to find problems and disagree with decisions that’s a part of being a fan.  Updating a mere status or tweeting 5698443324 tweets wouldn’t have satiated my appetite. So somewhere I was damn certain that this goes in my blog. Totally !!

What a fuck pad.I literally don’t think I was so disappointed in my entire life. The attempt of ending the kickass Sitcom was just too desperate in the end. Ted gets left at the altar , Okay … Robin cant be a Mom , Ummm Okay …Marshall's dad dies …Fine OKAY,But TED and ROBIN make out after all that they've been through  , YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME !!   The moral that I am gonna tell my kids about #HIMYM is how I threw away 9 seasons of some articulate character development. My question is how you make 22 odd episodes on a weeding weekend , Best Season thus far , and then break a couple within a 15 minutes.. I mean Come THEFUCK On !!

 

I am not sorry but I am not done being angry. Even a B-Grade bollywood movie named "Hawas ki Pyaas" was less predictable and more sensual ,romantic than Ted's banging-around-NYC.9 LONG YEARS OF SOME DECENT CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT SPOILED WITHIN LESS THAN 30MIN .. BRAFUCKINGVO!!

A comedy show that lost its flair 3 seasons back and smacked its own viewers in nuts by wasting their emotional investment for 9 point something odd seasons would be the gist. As believable person that I am , I still hope this to be some April Fool prank and that writers will come up with something appealing.  If the plan was always to have Mother die six years ago an earlier ending would've meant an earlier meeting.  As simple as that.

I am not at all pissed about the divorce of Barney and Robin. The writers have proved enough throughout the series that Barney is not a marriage minded person and Robin is over-ambitious about her carrier. Even though they were engaged Barney cannot fully commit and pay his total attention to Robin and Robin could never let go off her dream of being a successful journalist. Lets face it Barney is not a person with a wife and 3 kids. Having said that he is capable and full of love , it just wasn’t meant for Robin. He seeks his redemption in his daughter and understanding his divorce is not a such a LEAP Of FAITH. It made me feel Barney and Robin didn’t work out because a)Robin couldn't have kids b) Robin was not that ok with adoption as well.

Ted going back to Robin is not at all romantic by any stretch of possible human imagination and frankly put it is as if Bad guy wins. Good Guy Loses , which is a terrible way to feel about your favorite TV show. Ted and Robin ??? TED AND ROBIN?? …….ROBIN??? THE SAME WOMEN WHO MARRIED YOUR BEST FRIEND AND TOLD YOU THAT YOU AND HER ARE FUNADAMENTALLY DIFFERENT PEOPLE. THAT ROBIN?? You broke the Bro-Code Ted when u swore your word on it.

Tracey becomes a side character when she should've been the focus of Ted's life. For one we don’t see your final moments together. For it all feels like " Kids, your mother got sick and died , so Can I date robin instead ?? " .Whats mostly disturbing is the fact that in 9 long years of story Ted is looking to convince his kids to let him start dating Robin which is such a slap of face of viewers and an Insult.

Whatever it was sure as hell it was unforgettable.

Realm Wants To Know

Whoever you are, you're a Nobody if you are not interviewed by phenomenally kickass journalist Arnab Goswami.   Having said that , the dude has become a stereotypical prototype of recent journalism. Arnab also is responsible for producing wannabies  like Nikhil Gestural Wagle(an imposter who lacks the class and composure of Arnab). No matter however tough the questions are Arnab asks it with all the seriousness in the world there is, and there ever will be, unlike Nikhil who gets an orgasm every time he is asking a question.   Anyways .. The idea that triggered this blog is "What IF??"

What if Arnab were to interview some of the intriguing characters from a popular sitcom Game Of Thrones.

So without much ado lets dig the characters.

"Hello and Welcome to News Hour. This is Arnab and today we will be discussing the Topic entire of Westeros is asking."

*looking straight into Camera*

"Ladies and Gentlemen , today we have come to discuss the anarchies and animosities between the Major houses of Westeros. More importantly we are going to talk to Players who , not only think but, stubbornly believe they should be throned.  At the hour where anarchy is at its zenith and humility at its nadir , the times we live in have become mostly (smiles) uncertain. There are Starks , there are Greyjoys , there are Baratheons and then there are Lannisters  who sqeeze the last drop of blood of whoever crosses there way which may be seen as pure evil and with sinister motives. Why on earth is it so ?? That’s the question we are going to find the answers. "

Today we have with us Lord Tywin Lannister, Joffrey Baratheon , The bastard (No Apologies Given dude) Jon Snow ,Ser. Jammie Lannister, Stannis Baratheon , Lord Peter Bailesh , Lord Varys , Taragarian Babes , Theon Greyjoy and last but not the least Hodor.

 

Arnab: Let me start with you Sir Tywin Lannister. As a commander in chief , entire westeros is complaining that You Sir have been totally unfair with Robb Stark. I want you to justify your deeds of brutally butchering The King in the North. Don’t you think his unborn Son was unjustifiably slaughtered??

Lord Tywin: Everything is fair in Love , War and Will to Keep the Power. On any given day if I were to choose between killing 10k men over 10 men , I would go for the later. Its simple Maths Arnab. Offcourse killing his unborn son was not part of plan, but this is War we are talking about and in here nothing goes according to plan. 

Arnab: But with regards to your actions, inactions if I may, it always seemed there was a sense of cold bloodedness in killing Starks.

Tywin : I am glad to learn it seemed that ways.

Arnab: You tell me Tyrion , do u support this henous act ??

Tyrion : Well if I am not condemning it does that mean I am supporting it??

Arnab : ARE YOU ASKING ME A QUESTION ??

*Jammie whispers to Tyrion  " careful bro , be very very careful"*

Tyrion: Just a smidge.

*Jammie whispering "Holy Cow, That was Smooth"*

Arnab: Well off with the Smidge. I asked you a straight question , which with respect I throw back at u DO YOU SUPPORT KILLING OF STARKS IN A WAY YOUR FATHER DID?

Tyrion: Well to be honest with you , I think even when it was unconvincing it was necessary. After all the first 'R' in the Ruler stands for "Ruthless". Plus it is only mandatory to do whatever you can to acquire and then stay in power.

Arnab: Ser Jammie it is good to have you on our show , hope u have recovered well after the infamous incident.

Jammie: *Smiles*

Arnab: You were taken a hostage by late Robb Stark. If he wanted he would have killed you anytime he pleased . But as a leverage for his sisters you were exonerated. Now that you are back in Kings Landing , don’t you sense the unfairness of not reciprocating the leverage against which you were sent back ??

Jammie : For one I never knew the happenings in Kings Landing when I was a hostage. All I knew was Sansa was supposed to be married to Joffrey , I come in Kings Landing only to find out my baby brother has taken vows with her. For two, it is his responsibility now to decide whatever it is to be done with his beloved wife.

*Pats Tyrions Back*

Arnab: So Tyrion would she play a leverage for your Elder brother.

*Tyrion is about to speak*

Lord Tywin: Sorry to interrupt you Arnab, but we will see that Starks deed is very well reciprocated. Afterall word around the Westeros is "Lannisters always pays their debts". This wont be a exception either.

*Tyrion, as always, is disgusted because his father always steals his thunder*

*Petyr and Varys share a giggle*

*Joffery's joy knows no bounds *

*Hodor hodors in an anguish*

Arnab: With that said , I am gonna take a short break. Things are getting more interesting. Stay tuned because the real tough questions are yet untouched. Be rite back..

**********************************************************

Commercial 1: *A car is requires to be towed.  One of its rear wheel is in a muddy pit . People surround the car and watch this site which is somehow better than a sight of dead rabbit. Out of nowhere 4 women decide to go against the tide. They go in mud and give the car a helping hand. They are named Hema, Rakha , Jaya and Sushma. It is only in the end that the viewers come to know Nirma gave them this un-fluctuating confidence.

Moral of this add has to be :  A washing powder can turn your girl into a philanthropist Catwomen which may even give Selena Kyle (Anne Hathway Yo !!) run for her all-tanned-Leather-covered -enormously hotshot  body . Huh !!  

Commercial 2 : * The girl next door rings a bell. Dude opens the door. She is making her way to kitchen. No sooner dude is about to indulge in the charismatic beauty that she is the bell rings again. Yess The Dude is not even pissed for letting 3 strangers in house, who invade unpleasing. The chick is making coffee while the strangers hunt the charging points and plug in there respective devices. That’s not even a Methaphor. The chick and the dude have a sip and music begins * Ho Shuru har din Aise , Ho shuru har Pal Aise , Nescafe*. The chick seems busy , she has to leave. The dude indulges in admiring her beauty  again with a mug in his hand which somehow looks better than a monkey holding banana. She Leaves. Dude seems to be hit by a 3sec nostalgia (You better know what that is) and a stranger , who happens to be singer gestures him to have a next sip. He sings * Pa pa Rapa Pa Ra Ra , Pa Pa Rapa Pa Ra Ra* The add ends with " Switch on your mornings"

Moral : When you let strangers invade your habitat and let Bhabi next door enter  your house and make a coffee , only then you can switch on your mornings. For everything else , there is tea.

**************************************************************

Arnab:  Welcome back ladies. I would like to ..

Some on Microphone: SAAR .. Gentlemen.. Saar !!

Arnab : Lets Retake..

Same Guy on Microphone: Wokay Saar !! 

Arnab : Welcome back Ladies and Gentlemen. We are having a discussion with the Players who currently are playing Game of Thrones. I have with me The Commander of Nights Watch Jon Snow aka The Bastard. Tell me Jon , Westeros wants to know , if you were vowed not to have any sorta physical relations don’t you think you have wronged The Knights Watch!!

Jon Snow : If there in one thing I have learned throughout my  life is survival of the fittest. What I did back there is something am not proud of , but also I am not ashamed of anything. The motto here was, is and always will be to keep the wildlings away from the realm. So far not so good.

Hodor : *Thumbs Up* Hodor Hodor Hodor !!

Arnab: If wildings are to be kept away , how come you indulged in one of them??

Jon : Because somewhere down the line I feel Yigrite is different. I believe she, like all others is mislead by Mance Ryder. 

*Yigritte yells from Studio Audience : YOU KNOW NOTHING JON SNOW*

Arnab: *On Microfone*Edit that !!

Guy on Microfone: Yesss Saar !!  

Arnab : Moving On. We are pleased to have with us what they call A Self and An Alter Ego. Before getting to question I would like to state that people all across the Westeros love all your conversations. Having said that does your Duo like conversations a  lot ??

Varys: Yes .. We like to talk on various topics.

Petyr: Absolutely Not !! He likes to talk , and I like to reply.

Arnab : *Smiles*    See ?? This is what I said about the alter ego. The audience loves the tussle between two of y'all. Its witty and a delicious treat for the Sapoisexuals.

Varys: If the realm is happy , I am Santa.   

Petyr : *Looks at Varys in scornful yet modest manner*I believe you are.

Arnab: Joffrey , The One True King of Westeros , is with us. So Joffrey tell me .. Killed a few puppies today ??

*Tyrion rolls on floor laughing out loud*

*Joffery turns Crimson RED in disgust*

Joffrey : YOU ARE TALKING TO THE KHINGGGGGGGG. I CAN HAVE YOU PUNISHED FOR ASKING THAT !!

Arnab : As your granddad says " For anyone who says I am the king is no true king ."

*Joffrey leaves the Studio in what appears to be a baby anger*

Arnab : Looks like we have our first surrender.   In conversation with protagonists of Game Of Thrones , we are taking a short break. Stay tuned will be rite back.

****************************************************************

Commercial 3: Diamond Biscuit Diamond Biscuit,

Jab Bhi mood ho Kaa lo,

Diamond Biscuit Diamond Biscuit,

Healthy Swad ko Paa Lo,

Mummy Papa jab bhi laate,

Saare bacche khush jo jaate

*Toing* *Toing*

Diamond Biscuit Diamond Biscuit,

Jab Bhi Mood ho Khaaa Looooooooo

*Aab Naye Coconut Flavour Mein Bhi*

Diamond Biscuit !!

****************************************************************

Arnab: Welcome back ladies.. On a Teleconference we have with us a lot of designations apparently. Khalessi , Mother Of Dragons, The Blood Of Valaria, Queen Of Andals, The liberator of slaves and Claimer of Throne Denerys Stromborn Targarian.

Guy on the microphone: Saar No Gentleman Saar ??

Arnab: *Gestures* KEEP    ROLLING !!  

Arnab: So Khalessi A) you bro-zoned Jorah Mormont and it very much seems like you are infatuated to Dario Naharis. B) Its been three seasons and you are still all the way across narrow sea. Being so far from happening place don’t you think you're exaggerating your claim on Iron Throne.

Khalessi , Mother Of Dragons, The Blood Of Valaria, Queen Of Andals, The liberator of slaves and Claimer of Throne Denerys Stromborn Targarian : A) Jorah has been with me like since the beginning. I am queen he is the commander. And for all its better that things stay likewise. Dario has got some astute war techniques as well. So both are like wheels to a chariot that is my army. Its strictly professional and I am not trying to be politically correct. After all I am Khalessi , Mother Of Dragons, The Blood Of Valaria, Queen Of Andals, The liberator of slaves , Denerys Stromborn Targarian.

B) The rulers exiled us from what was ours. Me and My Idiotic brother were outcast for years fighting to get back what was belonged to us. It is high time that the faith of me and my people is restored. This season we get what is ours.

Arnab : Thanks for joining us Khalessi. We.. Errr.. I wish you and your dragons all the very best to claim what you think is yours.

*Manually disconnects the cord*

Arnab: Theon Greyjoy . Just for records I am not calling you Reek eeh. So tell me why did u betray Starks ??

Theon : Well Starks sought the betrayal first by taking me a hostage. Then ensuring I will always be with Robb as his subordinate or something. I am a Greyjoy , and we take what's ours. Apparently entire realm. 

Arnab: Realm will see but what about you. Ramsay has tortured you not only physically but mentally and face it you are his subordinate as of now. Ramsay is a Bolton, Boltons are with Lannisters so my question to you is who are you fighting for ?? I want you to answer this with all the seriousness Theon !!

Theon: Myself !!     

Hodor: *Disgusted* Hodor Hodor Hodor !!

Theon : Sorry Dude no hard feelings .

Hodor : *Angry* HODOR HODOR HODOR !!  

Theon : Hodor calm the fuck down amigo. I said I apologize. 

Arnab: I demand you Theon not to exercise Non-Constitutional abuses on my show.

Theon: Sorry Dude.

Arnab: You better be !!   

Arnab: Sir Stannis Baratheon there is never ending speculation that you are always serious , it took the viewers an entire of 3 seasons to see a Grin on your face... why is it so ??

Stannis : That’s who I am , perhaps , That’s how I am.

Arnab:  Always??

Stannis : Yes.

Arnab : *Smiles*You Sir are an hard nut to crack. But I promise to elicit a reply from you. 

Stannis: Well, be my guest.

Arnab : *Smile Widens*  Always so witty. Word around the camp fire is your commands are not actually your commands but of whisperer. This is War, a lot of soldiers life depend on your command don’t you  feel a sense of irresponsibility risking life of your men over burning leeches , specifically Black Magic Tricks ??

Stannis: Do you know words of my house ??

Arnab : "Ours is the Fury"

Stannis : Exactly !! Fury , Arnab, knows no bounds. It requires a bloodshed to conquer and maintain the empire. Fury is what  drives that deed. Why soldiers , The Kings like me are basic soldiers in battle. I, like every other soldier, fought valiantly in the Battle Of Black Water.  Davos was sacrificed even before we reached the bay.The Ram had toughed the Gate. Unfortunately , we were never aware of 11th hour alliance of Lannisters and Tullies. When it felt like we are having the upper edge and that we would sack the King's Landing things started to fall apart. I was close to Victory ,This Close, *Pinches* but it all resembled a falling stack of cards.

Arnab : How did burning leeches help the cause ??

Stannis : I am not a king stagnant in his strategies. Approaching the problem with all the ways is what I know best. One way or other I will be the one sitting on the Throne , Soon enough.

Arnab : Frankly speaking , this is superstitious. When you burned those three leeches after what u called Usurper Balon Greyjoy , Usurper  Robb Stark, Usurper Joffrey Baratheon do u credit yourself for the slaughter?? Because Lannisters have been open in accepting that it was there strategy set in motion by Boltons and Freys .

Stannis : Think of it this way .Robb knew his allies were falling apart. Nobody told  Robb to marry a war nurse and upset his

Alliance. What's more some ineffable power made him stupid enough to believe that an already unsettled alliance with Frey's would bring Glory to him. If that was not Fire God , there is not other thing which should be credited for that.

Arnab : Did Lady Mellisandre tell u this ??

Stannis : Fire God did.   

Arnab: *Adjusts his hair settles back in seat  looks at camera* We have reached the climax of the show, when Westeros needs an answer, we will go to any lengths to get it. As the viewers will agree, in the end, it will be a victory for truth and lets just hope superstition is nowhere to go by.

Hodor : Hodor Hodor Hodor *Applauds*

Arnab : That was all for today. Hope you got what you asked for. Thanks for watching. Good night Ladies !!

Microphone Guy: SAAAAAAAR ???

Arnab: *Pack Up*

The Wolf of Wall Street and Emperor Of Your Hearts.

The Wolves

To even begin saying about this legendary motion picture , let me sum it up a bit..


Wolf of Wall Street is
1. Debauched
2. Lewd
3. Incoherent
4. Frivolous and offcourse absolutely
5. Fucking Awesome
6. Stylish
7. Obnoxious
8. Debauched Again





DEBAUCHERER distributing "Free Coupons"    

Scorsese has those  uncanny ways to depict some anti hero characters. Jordon Belfort being  the subject. This particular movie not only glorifies psychotic narcissism but also crime with finesse. Gone are the days when the Heroic characters beat the villains in climax and made out with heroines happily there after. Thanks to sitcoms viz. Breaking Bad , Game Of Thrones  that directors are thinking about that dark recess of human psyche of complex humans. "The Wolf Of Wall Street" is  like a college "Gone Crazy" for half the movie. One of the blackest comedies that is a full dose on Sex, Drugs and Greediness. 









The GoldFish. 

I may not suggest Garib People (Intellectually) to watch this movie all because they will end up saying "When did being downright bad become so cool?". Face it fellas our society has come so far in such a short span that we now praise wit and ingenuity of cheats and corrupts. Such intense is the acting that one cant help but just stand up and applaud . While rest is world is busy applauding for Leo-Di-Caprio's effort , which off-course absolutely is nothing less of charismatic, what they are conveniently ignoring is the fact that Jonah Hill was as awesome as him.The Magnetic , Cheesy-Minded , Right-Hand man with all his mischiefs is all set to enthrall the audience and HOW ?? He actually swallowed a Gold Fish, Man that was some serious shit !!







Best Scene In History Of Motion Pictures. 

The dialogue from the movie is the adage of current generation. It says " Money Talks and Bullshit Takes The Bus. " This particular rom-com is about bunch of rich folks who have, or should I say who care about, nothing but money. No health , No integrity , No Manners, No Respect , No Honesty , No time , Nothing at all but Money Money Money !!  The overdose of  Quaaludes is one of the best scenes in history of motion pictures. When leo crawls to his car is one classic piece of physical comedy , worthy of a Silent Movie.


What I like about  Scorsese is he chooses his subjects meticulously. With "The Aviator" I  thought he has extracted the pulp of Leo's acting elegance portraying life and times of Howard Huge. But he took things altogether to next level in The Wolf so much so that even bacchanal side of Jordon Belfort is celebrated. The film that was minted only and only for Caprio and he "Fucking" made it large with his acting genius.
The Wolf Of Wall Street !! 


He Came !! He Fucked !! He Snorted !! He Abused !! HE CONQUERED !!







 

The Angst Of Resented Viewer

Note : The Adds taken for ripping off are purely based on swings of my whim. Any resemblance to a particular product is off-course absolutely uncanny and is restricted to the stretch of reader's wild yet vivid imagination.


One of those days wherein I desperately wanted to write on some topic but was falling short altogether.  I couldn't even think of single topic. So I had some time last month to go through my thought process and chose what is that am ripping off this month. It’s tele commercials. Now I presume the readers to have an idiot-box at home and all there furniture is pointed to that box. Gone are the days  wherein advertisements  were only considered for creating awareness about particular product. These days there is a huge difference between message conveyed through advertisements and the actual product.Most of the adds don’t even have any sorta connection with short  video and marketing. This blog is just meant to convey the message that SELLING PEOPLE A FALSE ILLLUSION IS NOT COOL ..MAKING A REDICULE OF THERE DISABILITIES IS NOT COOL

To start with, out of many such adds I have listed quite a few adds  which I think were totally useless in content / making/ morals. Here you will find the adds that not only have achieved new low in creativity but dug it even further.  So without much ado .. Lets DIG !!

Cosmetics:

Fairness products. Probably they are the masters in selling the illusions. What is wrong with dusky skin tone anyways??They make add in such way that a girl with dusky ,or dark might  as well, skin tones is guilty about her tone. At the beginning of the add they show a girl who is rejected , untalented , unsuccessful. Somebody suggests her a fairness cream and it comes with a fairness meter (HorseShit ..Rite??) so that she can closely monitor ascent in her skin tone. She consistently applies the cream for 3-asifIcare-4 weeks and Bam !! There she goes looking like a Apsara  with a confidence of Pamila Anderson running in Baywatch . Does this fairness cream come with fortune changer or something I wonder ?? If not then how did a dumb-ass chick become a space scientist ?? And Guess what that is not even ridiculous part .. The most exasperating part comes in the end. As she walks the people just cant stop staring at her as if they haven't seen a Girl in there lives. Advertisers are here portraying a wrong image of pervert society that regards Fairness as an important trait  for living , WHICH ITS STRICTLY NOT !!

Listen Girls, if fairness was important to us guys we would have Dolly Bindra as our laptop wallpaper. Be just content with your tone because in guy's dictionary fairness is not even a parameter to look for in a girl. A girl is beautiful because of her character and personality, and strictly NOT because some stranger on internet told her that she is "Beautiful".Enough said.!!

Banking:

These adds are easy to spot. They end with 'MutualFundsaresubjecttomarketriskspleaseread theofferdoumentcarefullybeforeinvesting' . Its as ironical as it gets because seconds earlier they took you on a dreamy trip about your "Secure Future" and then they shove this note on your easy listening ears. A common man has enough risks already .. Risk of riding his bike carefully, risk of crossing the road, risk of being ditched by his GF, risk that his neighbor reads  his newspaper  b4  him , risk of being shot by a Grammar Nazi , risk of being fired without a Notice in these hard times of looming recession, risk of losing followers on twitter, risk of being smitten by a chick which he doesn’t even know etc .and if all these risks were not enough you ask ME to take a market risk. ARE YOU OUTTA OF YOUR BALLS ADVERTISERS ??  Not only that , they make you live a LIE .A lie that you witness once all your money is gone and only the guilt of investing it in a wrong scheme remains.I have nothing against there policies. Banking is also one the oldest profession and the vital aspect of civilization but the leverage against which they bait there policies is an inconvenient territory altogether.

 I remember a add wherein a kid not more than 10years old asks his DAD "पापा मेरे फ्यूचर के बारे में सोचा है  ??  (Dad do u think @ my future?)This is as unrealistic as it gets. Come on , what kid asks such a question?? I mean when I was 10 the question that concerned me was where does Pamila Anderson live ?? How do I get her number ?? Why is Bachchan making shitty films like Lal Badshah?? How Indians will bat after Sachin got out?? (This question I got till late last month as well) .Who on earth is David Beckham? Will Agent Smith and Trinity make out? (Matrix Comix) ,Is Harvey Dent a Dentist ?? How does Karishma Kapoor manage to look so beautiful without a makeup? Why is Melody so much choclaty? A kid of 10 yrs has these kind of questions and some one who could barely spell F U T U R E   is concerned about it is quiet a lot of exaggeration. And this  DUDE (his father) outta nowhere gets poignant thinking for his kid's plans. Get a life bro, get your kid a playstation, play some Call of Duty 4 with him and teach him some manners not to ask such nonsensically ass biting questionnaire.

Another such commercial was the one of some Insurance company.  The guy is going out of station of few days , sits in a Taxi , Ta Ta's his wife and is on the way of airport. On a way to airport he suddenly remembers that he forget to give money to his wife.(That’s an impossibilty .. Women are always aware of monetary matters in house and even when husband is going for office , they make sure they have adequate amount of money to run family expenses atleast for a  week or so.. But anyways we are not getting into that). He U-turns to his home and reaches. Now his wallet atleast has 16 ..Rs.100 notes he takes some 5 or 6 and is headed towards his wife. No sooner he begins to leave the Taxi Driver says " What if you don’t come for a week?"  the guy thinks "Oh yeah rite" takes another two notes  and is about to leave again but the driver is persisitent to ask " What if you don’t come for a month" ..What the Fuckerey  .. Mind your own business man and I am sure that involves shutting the fuck up and driving the passenger to his destination .. But this dude is quickly intimidated and takes a couple of notes more.  That should have been enough but the dickheaded driver  has a few more questions.. He shamelessly asks " What if you don’t come forever? Will this suffice your wife?? " ..The dude should've slapped him so  hard that he would 've come back from a trip to Galaxy within a few microseconds and  stubbornly ask this " WHY ON EARTH ARE YOU CONCERNED ABOUT MY WIFE SO MUCH , TO HELL WITH YOUR TAXI , GET LOST " .. But as learned earlier our's  is a FATTU dude who turns into a paranoid  listening to strangers. He has a moment of realisation that he should actually have an insurance plan.  The conclusion of this add is what I find twisted  which highly depicts nonexisiting insecurity in your life. It said " सर उठा के जियो " and I was like "Say Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? आबे हमने ऐसे किया ही क्या है सर झ़ुकानेको ?? और इतने भी बुरे दिन नहीं आये के टैक्सी वाले हमे सलाह देने लेगे !!  "

Miscellneous Products:

Well next up in the list is one hall of famer. This is one of bathroom utilities. What happens in the add is :

A umpire is standing amidst a cricket match. The bowler(who looks even worse than Laxman Shivaramkrishnan ) bowls the delivery to which batsman fumbles and is caught rite in front of wicket. He obliviously is out but our desperate umpire raises his pinky suggesting he needs to pee.  What on cricket field is happening. If the umpire was so very obsessed with his bathroom utilities why didn’t he watch lying in his bathtub?? He could have a Eureka moment deciding the things off the field. Advertisers would have thought of this before giving shitload of there product.

Consider Mumbai for instance. According to wikipedia 60% of its populace resides in informal housing. This figure includes Chawls , Dharavi as well as some semifurnished flats.  With that amount of people residing as a tenant or even as a landlord, being fastidious about a particular product say wash basin , or its TAP or a peculiar sanitary utensil  is so not the thing. As a tenant why would I give a damn about changing something in a rented house. As a landlord why would I change anything if all I have to do is rent the house. It’s a loop and this telecommercial is meant only for high classes of society.  Its because of such adds a devoid is created in a society targeting the upper middle class and scoffing at economically lower classes. The censor board should actually have a nom against all adds and make GENERALISATION for every one in society.  

The last and the final one in the list is a shaving cream commercial. (Oh you will love this!!) The add begins with stat. It says 89% of women like clean shaven men. I am not even going to describe this add. Every time this add features I switch the channel as I am obviously pissed at this (infomercial??) commercial. Before arriving at this stat.. I only have one question , 'Was the survey taken in some south Indian village or something ??' To rip off concept of this add lets date back to Dwapar Yuga ..

Narkasura.. The bro of all the asuraas. As we are not from that Yuga the character sketching in our mind is hugely dominated by the mythological TV series. In those it shown that the guy had Not One , Not Two but 16000 wives. (WHOA DUDE!! Way to go man )  . Isnt that magnanimously significant of fact that Girls DO NOT ,FROM THE CORE ,HATE GUYS WITH MOUSTACHE AND LITE BEARD (16000 is quiet a number)??  On the other hand look at Indra (King of all Gods) is always clean shaven. (OH MY MY !!) Urwashi ditched that dude for all bearded and well-mustachioed Vishwamitra. That’s exactly my point, having a moustache is sexy having a beard with it is even sexier. World is dominated by men with moustache. Hitler,Che Guvera ,Mitchell Johnson (Recent ashes .. The guy rocked and showed the world he is much more than Tattoos) etc.

I find selling a product with a tagline " 89% of women like blah blah " in itself is quiet daring, as most of women get exclusively whimsical when it comes to judge men & in no way I think it is a globally acceptable figure. Look I am not a moustachavinist  neither do I have anything against clean shaven fellas its just this stat which I find abundantly disturbing. I mean just think of Anil Kapoor and Madhuri dixit used to be a good duo. And times are such even Romeos are having a manly , stupendously well-trimmed , highly ingenious mustaches for there respective Juliets.(Ramleela)

Actually there are loads of commercials like Telcom companies , Electronic items , beverages and strictly speaking the list is never ending . But the days we live in the sequels are trendy.  So finally my unwillingness to abruptly end a blog is over and here I proudly announce the sequel to " The Angst Of Resented Viewer (TARV) 2"

To be continued.. (sometime in 2014)